Alias
Double Agent

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Let's Get It Awwwwn

Bad Ethan looks satisfied at a job well done and runs off. The Oops Center Collective just stands around looking stunned. Blondie runs off to whimper in the bathroom. Syd just compartmentalizes her feelings and tucks that one about Agent D'Overbite's untimely death into a corner behind "Reasons To Hate My Mother."

Oops Center Ladies' Room. Syd's washing her face as she overhears Blondie crying in one of the stalls. Oh my god. She's such a tool. What a total waste of spy space. Syd asks if she's okay, and Blandy (tm Zoe5) exits the stall with her skirt around her ankles and asks if Syd has any toilet paper. I'm sorry! I had to! It was required! And wouldn't that have been HILARIOUS? Damn. I should write this show. Although it'd probably have a lot more sex, and there would be far too many jokes about "covert operations" and going "deep undercover." Yeah, so Blandy's all, I just, sniffle, wasn't ready for that. Syd's all, don't be sorry. Just stop WHINING.

Wendy Kroy: Really. They go through all the trouble of adding a blonde to the damn show and she's VANILLA?
Regina: Dude. She's so vanilla she's a fucking WAFER, okay?
Wendy Kroy: She is SO a mole or something. Nobody's that bland for no reason.
Regina: Was that a double negative?
Wendy Kroy: Blow me.

Oops Center's Conference Room Of Endless Expositions. Kendall's blah-blahing about the loss of Agent D'Overbite. She was deep undercover (I'll bet she was -- see? SEE?), and her objective was to gain the trust of some Aryan-looking R&D doctor named "Marcovic" who's been developing some technology called "Project Helix." Gee. Wonder what that could be? No, really. NO, REALLY.

Syd's all, weapons? Vehicles? Evil clones bent on destruction? Ha ha ha, oh ho ho. That last one was just a funny on my part! Hee. Sorry, Kendall. Go ahead. Kendall's all, we don't know what the hell it is, but that clone thing is just TOO farfetched, Syd. Nice try, though. Agent D'Overbite was supposed to find out just what in the hell Helix is, but her ass got blown to smithereens before she got to the bottom of it. Oh, and also? Her partner might be dead as a doornail too. He also might be in Cayo Concha, off the coast of the Dominican Republic. Now, lest my partner Spy Daddy here and I bore you to death with the extensive details of just how we found this out, or why, or who gives a shit, Syd and Mr. Syd? Get the hell outta here and bring me some Happy Helix H-intel! Syd's all, fine, whatever, who is this partner schmuck anyway? Kendall's all, oh, it's Ethan Hawke. You can thank me later.

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Alias

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