Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 2 USERS: A
Sark. Do I even need to say anything else?

Previously on Alias: Shut up, Sydney.

Saturday afternoon, 2:32 PM. Boddingtons? Check. Guinness? Check. Amstel Light? Check. Cigarettes that you only smoke when you have this many leftover party beers to drink before the week starts so that you don't go sneaking one on a Tuesday night and turn it into a bender that makes you seven hours late for work? Check. Willingness to give this show the benefit of the doubt? Check. Hopefulness that the show will rock as much as it did when first viewed even though second viewing will be used primarily to pick it apart and make fun of things? Check.

This recap brought to you by the makers of fine ales and stouts and the letter "Sark."

Spy Barbie Penthouse. Nadia's relating a sweet story about how she and Weiss were driving along Mulholland and the sun shot through the window right into her eyes and the first thing Weiss did was pop the visor down so that her eyes were shielded and Nadia just thinks that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for her, EVER. Syd's all, sun, visor, blah, not listening, want some egg whites? It's actually really funny because Nadia's kind of being romantic and sweet and Syd's all, "I eat bullets for breakfast, okay? ROMANCE IS DEAD." Nadia really likes Weiss (or is pretending too -- I'm still not convinced that Nadia's the Nicest Spy Ever) and thinks he's funny, and all Syd can say is, "He really likes you. You're not gonna break his heart, are you?" Yeah, way to bring the girl down, Sydney.

It would seem that Sydney's far more concerned with Weiss's feelings than Nadia's, and she wants to ensure that Nadia isn't just going to love him and leave him like another Derevko we know. But Nadia really likes him. Their phones ring at the same time and they're called to work. As they run off to put on their spy clothes, we hear Vaughn say to Weiss, "She compared you to ice cream?" The boys are walking into work together (what, do they live together too?) and obviously having the same conversation as the girls. Weiss says that Nadia compared him to vanilla Swiss almond, which, in his estimation, is a reaaaaaally significant flavor. I think mint chocolate chip is a more significant flavor, but that's just me. Weiss says that she told him he was a "big spoonful," and Vaughn is like, and you took that as a compliment? Obviously, he's thinking that Nadia was commenting on Weiss's, erm, heftier stature, but Weiss totally took it as a compliment because he takes everything from her as a compliment because she has that great accent. Heh. Accents, people. They'll win every time. I can get an evening of free drinks just out of my fake Irish accent. Or my fake Scottish accent. Or my fake Southern accent. In fact, my four years of acting training at DePaul University were really only good for one thing: free drinks for fake accents.

Weiss continues to gush that he can't even look at Nadia because she's so pretty and Vaughn is just one big eye-roll at this point because he's all, dude? CALM DOWN. He's just like, Nadia's great and everything but, A) she's pretty, B) she's a spy and C) SHE'S PRETTY. Vaughn, no stranger to the prettiness himself, seems to think that Weiss can't land himself a pretty girl and, I have to say, this shows Vaughn to have NO idea about women whatsoever because, y'all? Funny wins over hot almost every time. Hotness fades over the years, but the ability to make a girl snort beer out her nose on any given Friday night lasts a lifetime. Vaughn warns Weiss to take it slow because, you know, the taking it slow thing has worked SO WELL FOR HIM AND SYDNEY and I thought we were done with the "take it slow" thing but, yeah, I guess we aren't, and Weiss is all, whoa, GRANDMA, what's with the warning? Vaughn brings up one of Weiss's old girlfriends and Weiss is all, dude, that was TOTALLY different and Vaughn is all, how was it different and Weiss is all, THAT girl didn't have an ACCENT and Vaughn is all, dude, when it was over, you were building ships in bottles. Weiss is all, so? Ships in bottles are the bomb. Vaughn's all, you were building many, many ships in many, many bottles over many, many months. Hee.

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