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Ding Dong, Mrs. Dixon's Dead

Oops Center. Syd and Spy Daddy are having a little powwow in the hall. Syd's irritated that the CIA still doesn't have any leads on Sloane or her mother. Spy Daddy's all, yeah, well, there's a difference between "intelligence" and "actionable intelligence." There's also a difference between "clever" and "stupid," but it's a very thin line and only goes to eleven and that's not important right now. Syd's all, yeah, well, what about the earrings mom left me? Spy Daddy's all, okay, for the last time, they're PRETTY, all right? And they look gorgeous on you! How many more times do I have to say it?

Syd's all, uh, I was kind of thinking more along the lines of, did y'all find anything out about them? Spy Daddy's all, oh, yeah, that. We couldn't trace the source of the bleep bleeps that came your way the other night, but Marshall's working on it as we speak. Syd's all, oh, GREAT! He's probably licking them because they touched my ears at one point. Ew! Then Syd blathers on about how the Dynamic Duo is acquiring Rambaldi shit, and they tried to access the DNA database so there must be SOME way to predict their next move. Well, if the past few episodes are any indication, Sloane will probably do something evil and Irina will look really fucking hot while assisting him.

Syd's all a-twitter about not being able to nab her bitch of a mother and Sloane, and Spy Daddy just shuts her down with a, "Yeah, well, there ain't a clear move to make here, honey. And stop chewing your hair. That's not something a lady does." Syd's all, okay, whatever -- see, I have this folder here with Wife of Slater's interview in it and, like, it's only ten pages long. The hell? Sloane kidnapped her hubby two months ago, and all we have is a stinking ten pages? Spy Daddy's like, oh, honey, you're really reaching here. But if you feel like Wife of Slater wasn't properly debriefed and you have a spare couple of hours, why don't you just go debrief her again? Some more? He stalks off and Syd just looks after him with this expression on her face that's like, "Debrief? What's that? Does it involve removing underwear? Because I can totally see myself doing that to Vaughn, but NOT to Wife of Slater. Sorry. Sydney don't swing that way."

Later that day, Syd and Wife of Slater have a meet-and-greet on a park bench. Syd makes with the nice-nice initially, then quickly cuts to the chase and asks Wife of Slater to head on over to the CIA for a little regression hypnosis therapy. Wife of Slater's all, uh, no offense or anything, but I'm not really fond of the government poking around in my head. Syd's all, hey, you don't have to tell ME about that. I'm not fond of the government poking around ANYWHERE on my body. Unless, of course, by "government" you mean "Michael Vartan."

Syd's all, yeah, so, anyway, if you don't help us out, your husband might wind up dead. Wife of Slater, absolutely shocked at the audacity of Sydney suggesting that she in any way might be responsible for the untimely demise of her beloved husband, goes a little Bristow on Sydney's ass. She gets all huffy and shit, gathers up her son, and hits the "I'm only pissy 'cuz I'm actually a Russian spy" road. Syd just rolls her eyes at Wife of Slater's retreating back and makes a mental note to poke Wife of Slater with pointy sticks later on after the CIA captures her sorry double-agent spying ASS.

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