Alias
Endgame

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Ding Dong, Mrs. Dixon's Dead

Meanwhile, in a more evil corner of the world, Francinator's phone is ringing. She picks up, and it's Sloane. He requests something from her "source." Then we're with Syd and her product-placed silver Ford Fuckus. Um. Whatever happened to her big-ass SUV? What, she traded it in for a hatchback? The hell? Anyway, Syd's scooting along some random street, and she quickly clues into the fact that she's being followed. As the following agents radio into base ops, we see Jack respond to the call. He tells his field men to stay with Syd. Syd thinks fast, does a U-turn and pulls into the parking lot of a Rite-Aid. And, yeah, Wal-Mart reference in the recaplet wasn't me stupidly misidentifying the store, okay? I was referring to Jennifer Garner's stint on SNL when she and Amy Pohler played the ridiculously funny Wal-Mart employees. "This Wal-Mart is HUUUUUGE!" "I KNOOOOW!" "The competing weather systems in this Wal-Mart could cause a tornado to happen!" "I KNOOOOOWWWW!" Hee.

Yeah, so, like, anyway, Syd parks it and enters the Rite-Aid. She picks up a basket and passes through a gaggle of stereotypical sorority sisters grazing at the makeup counter. Syd pulls out her phone. Before she can make a call, we're transported over to Oops Center and The Department Of The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name as Agent Sean grills Vaughn about his newly acquired middle drawer. Agent Sean's like, "So, she gave you a drawer, huh?" Vaughn's like, "It was a gesture of convenience." Agent Sean's like, "And, uh, what'd you put in it?" Vaughn's like, "Why do you care?" Agent Sean's like, "Why do I CARE? Do you know how spoiled you are? You know, a drawer! I wish I had a girlfriend to say 'Hey, you want a drawer?' And I'm totally IN LOVE WITH YOU, you self-centered bastard!" Yeah, I just made that last part up for me.

Vaughn's cell starts ringing. "I'll give you a drawer at my place," he snerks. "I don't want a drawer at your place," snits Agent Sean. "Oh, except that I do. And the right side of the bed. Near the bathroom. I pee a lot at night." Vaughn ignores him and picks up the phone. It's Syd, still shopping at the Rite-Aid. Vaughn yammers at her about Spy Wife's intel and then asks where she is. Syd's all, I'm at the drugstore, putting together a tremendously innovative slapdash disguise out of some contact paper, a blonde wig, and some pantyhose. How about you?

Actually, she just blathers something about getting pictures developed and how there's a really good one of the two of them that he can hang in his hallway by the coat rack. Vaughn's all, uh, what's going on? Syd doesn't answer him. Instead, she continues to blather about the pictures being developed and how she used the wrong speed and that she should use a slower speed next time. Vaughn somehow gets that Syd's speaking in code and hisses at Agent Sean to give him a pen. What, he doesn't have any pens at his desk? What kind of fucking Boy Scout is he, anyway? Syd rings off after telling Vaughn that she'll see him in about twenty minutes.

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Alias

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