Alias
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Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, if only this actually WERE The Office.

Dix thinks Jack's plan is a good one, and orders everyone to get their asses in gear. Weiss steps up and says that four French fighter planes have been scrambled and are on their way to just observe the plane for its emergency landing. No shooting allowed. Meanwhile, Vaughn's on the phone with Marshall, trying to figure out the bomb. Vaughn discovers some odd little thermometer thingy on the bomb, and Marshall asks if the liquid is rising. When Vaughn confirms that it is, indeed, rising, Marshall spits out that it's not a thermometer, it's a barometric sensor, and the bomb is triggered by altitude. "If the plane keeps descending, it'll detonate," says Marshall. Yeah, I liked this plot the first time I saw it when it was used in Speed. And that one had Keanu Reeves and his body chiseled from honeyed granite in it. Maybe if Vaughn could just take off his shirt, this ridiculous and derivative plot would be easier to swallow. Could we get on that, please?

Vaughn runs to tell the pilot not to land. The pilot quickly reacts and pulls the plane up, saying that they only have enough fuel to stay airborne for two hours. Back at the Non-Commodore hotel, Syd enters the room as herself and gives Danny her real name. "So…today you're CIA?" he snarks. Heh. Syd fills him in on the CIA con and then the hotel room wall slides up and disappears. Danny gets up and looks around. "So this isn't Moscow?" he asks with a tinge of panic in his voice. Syd's all, nope. Hell-Lay. And we know about your plan to avenge the Covenant-ordered death of your brother, too. Danny kind of turns around, wondering what to do. "How ya doin'?" comes Weiss's voice from off-screen. Danny looks up, and Weiss and Griffin are walking toward him. Griffin tells him that he defected months ago, and that Danny should trust the CIA because they're "good people." Danny's dubious. He tells Syd they've got to do better than a warehouse somewhere to prove that they're CIA. So, they bring him into Oops Center proper. "Right," he says. "Much more convincing." Love. Love Ricky Gervais. Dix tells Danny that if he defuses the bomb and turns over all blueprints and materials, the U.S. government won't file charges against him. "If you really are CIA," says Danny, "then the person I met with wasn't Julian Sark." Syd's all, good call, Danny Boy. You win a $5 Starbucks Gift Card! Danny's quickly wises up to the fact that the real Sark is also on the plane. Dix is all, our deal expires in ten seconds, dude. If you don't take it, you'll be tried as an enemy of the state and executed. Danny just sits down and goes, "ZZZZZZZZ!" as if he's being electrocuted. Heh. Smartass.

"You cannot let those innocent people die," says Syd. "My brother was innocent," he responds. Yeah. Except for all those bombings he staged with bombs that you built. Real innocent there, dude. But Syd doesn't say anything at all because she's the one who killed his brother so, you know, the fact that he put thousands of innocent people into graves is secondary to Syd's murder-as-survival thing. Back on the plane, Vaughn's still trying to figure out the bomb. Oh, please. It's not gonna blow up. Putting the main characters into death-defying situations is only exciting if you think they're really going to, you know, DIE, and since we know they're NOT, these extended "Will they die or won't they?" scenes are just tedious and tremendously boring. What happens to the bomb? IT DOESN'T GO OFF. Can I go to bed now?

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Alias

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