Alias
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Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, if only this actually WERE The Office.

Whatever. Marshall figures out that they can fool the barometric sensor into thinking it's still at a high altitude by encasing it in an airtight container. Or something. I don't know. All Vaughn has to do is deactivate the motion sensor and drop the bomb into this airtight container or whatever. Unfortunately, deactivating the motion sensor is exactly what the Belfast guys were doing right before the bomb went and blowed them up. Marshall tells Vaughn to cut the red wire, and Vaughn goes to do it. "Nonono! Waitwaitwait!" Marshall shouts, right before Vaughn cuts the wire. "I hate it when you do that!" Vaughn shouts back. Hee. Marshall blabbles something about false leads and cutting the right one and Vaughn doesn't understand, so that logically leads him to take Sark out of the bathroom and bring him into the cargo hold so he can go to work on the bomb himself, which is…what? How is that even sensible? I…just…MORE WINE!

Oops Center. Danny Boy's being held in one of the conference rooms. Syd walks in and pours him a glass of water. She sets it in front of him, and Danny just hilariously rips his hands up to show her that he's kind of attached to the arms of his chair just now. Heh. Syd feeds him the water. Syd's all, yeah, I know, you're angry. And with good reason. "The Covenant took your brother's life." "'Took his life,'" Danny sneers. "What an interesting choice of words. I mean, personally, I'd have gone for something a little bit more colorful like, um, 'murdered.' Or even -- that's not strong enough. 'Slaughtered'? Yeah, what about 'slaughtered'? Try that." Oh, now he's just being dramatic. The guy killed thousands of people. I'd say he deserved at least a LITTLE pain for his sins.

Whatever. We've just arrived at the part of the show where Syd illustrates that she is, as always, the Worst. Spy. Ever. She tells Danny her Lost Years sob story in order to gain his sympathy, and she doesn't leave out a single detail. Including the part where the Covenant tried to make her believe she was "Julia Thorne." The second the name slips out of her mouth, a crease appears between Danny's brows, and his eyes kind of slide over to look at Syd without letting her see that he's looking. It's a wicked moment that I missed the first time I watched this. Have I mentioned the Ricky love? Syd totally doesn't clue in to the fact that she just outed herself as the brother's killer, and she goes on to say how much she hates the Covenant and how they took away all the people that she loved and blah blah blah isn't-this-over-yet-cakes? "The man I love…the Covenant didn't murder him," she says. "He's on that plane." She tells Danny that if he disables the bomb, she swears that she won't rest until she makes the Covenant pay for what they did to both her and Danny. He just looks at her like, dude? You are the Worst. Spy. EVER.

Back on the plane, Vaughn's got Sark, and he puts on the headset and starts talking to Marshall about the bomb. Whatever. This is probably the DUMBEST part of the episode, and that's really saying a lot, because this episode was particularly stupid, and the only things really saving it were Ricky Gervais and the part where Spy Daddy goes mental on Danny and the hug at the end. And don't tell me you don't feel the same. BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. Let's get this over with. Sark does whatever it is that only he can do to the bomb, and Vaughn's able to cut the red wire. Sark backs off. Vaughn cuts the wire, and then he and Sark search for something airtight to put the bomb in. Yawn. Sark conveniently finds a fishing tackle kit and finds a knife inside. He hides it away in his jacket. Vaughn successfully locates a Mr. Igloo, which…why is that even in the cargo hold? What, is there a LIVER inside or something? Because I could use a new one. Mine's starting to rival Keith Richards's for Most Alcohol Held In A Single Organ.

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Alias

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