Alias
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Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, if only this actually WERE The Office.

Dix is treating the kids to a little Untimely Demise slideshow. He informs them that the building that blew up was the Wicklow National Bank. Apparently, a man named Daniel Ryan is claiming responsibility for the bombing. According to Jack, Danny's former Royal Navy gone wrong. He used to be in charge of explosive ordinance disposal. After he was dishonorably discharged, he went from disposing of bombs to designing them. We get a close-up of Danny, and yes, it's none other than my future husband, Ricky Gervais. Call me, Ricky. Seriously. Jack finishes up that Danny Boy has worked with the Covenant in the past and is currently interested in selling them his latest product.

Syd's all, so what? Was the Wicklow bombing supposed to be some sort of advertisement as to the effectiveness of his product? Jack's all, uh, actually, Danny Boy alerted the authorities and gave them time to evacuate the building. "So he's an humanitarian bomber," snarks Weiss. Heh. Hi, Weiss! I love you too! If Ricky won't have me, you are SO next in line. Jack's all, uh, no, actually. He's not an humanitarian bomber. "His goal was to provide a state-of-the-art bomb squad ample opportunity to deactivate his creation," says Jack. This confuses Vaughn. He's all, wait…he wanted the bomb squad called in? I just…huh? Shhh. You just sit there looking pretty, Vaughn. Not so much with the talking. If you're really good, someone will bring you a cookie!

Marshall's all, hey, I know! Maybe he wanted the squad called in because he knew there was nothing they could do. See, Marshall's got that bomb from last week in his office, and according to Bomb Guy's voice recording, Danny Boy made one significant upgrade. The kind that makes things go BOOM. "Anyone here ever hear of 'quantum entanglement'?" asks Marshall. No one has. And this includes everyone else on the planet except for one of the posters who was kind enough to explain it, in rough detail, on the boards. Oh, and the poster was also kind enough to explain that it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the bomb or whatever the hell else Marshall's blabbing about, so maybe we can just skip this part. The point? The bomb can't be defused.

Dix pipes up that Danny Boy's Covenant negotiations are only exclusive for the next 48 hours. If an agreement isn't reached, he'll just go and blow up another bomb, targeted against America, in order to get some terrorist groups who hate the U.S. interested in his merchandise. However, if the Covenant's interested, Danny Boy instructed them to meet him at the Black Stag pub in Belfast. Jack's all, we have two choices here: 1) just grab the dude and force him to cooperate or 2) get his cooperation willingly by pretending to be the Covenant. This also confuses Vaughn. He's all, wait -- isn't that risky? Especially when we don't know what the relationship is between Danny Boy and the Covenant? I think my head hurts. Or maybe it's just all the wrinkles. I think I have a potato chip lodged in there from lunch. Oh, Vaughn. You poor thing. Here's a pillow. Now go to sleep. Pay no attention to your pants being removed from your body…

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Alias

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