Alias
Firebomb

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Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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The roof. The roof. The roof is on fire!

What? Oh, be quiet, Owen. I don't love Sark more than I love you. Well, for one thing, he didn't write The Royal Tenenbaums. For another, he doesn't look as good in a cowboy hat and boxer briefs, okay? Just calm down. It's not illegal to LOOK, honey. Only to touch. And remember that the next time you have to do a sex scene. WITH ANYONE. EVER.

Ovary Electric. Syd and Vaughn enter, all twirly and kissy-face about some hockey game that they'd just attended. The hell? Several hours ago, Syd was practically shoving her boot up Kendall's ass, and now one hockey game just makes Sloane's escape disappear? Whatever. There's some chitter-chatter about the Zamboni, which just makes me giggle because, well, it's a funny fucking word and Jennifer Garner gets to say it twice while being kissed by Michael Vartan. Is she, like, the luckiest girl in the whole world? I think so, my friends. I think so.

Vaughn's phone rings, and he picks up. It's Agent Sean, and he tells Vaughn that Kendall wants to see him. Agent Sean's all, he wants to see Syd too. She with you? Vaughn's all, uh, no. No! Agent Sean says, "You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?" Hee! "I'm trying," hisses Vaughn. Hee hee! Syd correctly guesses that Kendall wants to see them, and Vaughn tells Agent Sean to find out what Kendall wants.

Suddenly, Vaughn hears his own voice coming through the phone, talking about the Zamboni. Hee. That's just bloody funny. Say it with me: Zamboni! Oh, and "Zamboni" is even funnier when you substitute it for the words to "Jam On It." Zamboni, Zamboni, Zambo nuh no no nuh noni. Anyway, Vaughn hears his voice and, even though Agent Sean bitches at him about paying attention, Vaughn continues to listen to his own voice and then Sydney's voice coming through the cellphone. He traces the playback to a light switch over by the kitchen and tells Agent Sean that they'll be at Oops Center ASAP. Agent Sean just hangs up the phone like the bitter wallflower we always knew he could be.

Minutes later, Syd removes the wall plate and discovers, you guessed it, a bug. Syd and Vaughn head over to Oops Center, understandably tweaked that their recent, ahem, activities, may have been recorded for someone else's enjoyment. Spy Daddy assures Syd that the CIA has sent over a cleaning crew to sweep the place for other recording devices. Syd's all, uh, how can my place be bugged, dude? What about the bug killer? Huh? What about that? And you're not going to be listening to the stuff they taped, right? RIGHT? Spy Daddy's all, oh, please. I'm still operating under the assumption that you haven't even gone to second base with a guy -- you think I'm going to subject myself to the boudoir bangings of my precious little girl? Think again. Jack's all, in the meantime, we need to know who you've spoken with, what was said, and what intelligence might have been compromised. D'oh! Syd kind of bites her lower lip as if to say, okay, by "spoken with," do you mean "slept with" also? Why am I asking? Just curious. No reason. Move along. Nothing to see here.

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Alias

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