Elsewhere in Oops Center, Moronen McIdiot picks up her cell phone and calls her mother. "Sloane is dead," she says. "We can now locate The Passenger without his interference." Oh, please. Can't she LEAVE THE BUILDING to do that? God, she's dumb. And, yes, I'm referring to the character, NOT Melissa George, okay? And don't send me emails about it either. I don't care. The woman walks and breathes and spells and talks, okay? Let's assume she's not an idiot. Her character, on the other hand whatever. She tells her mother about Sloane. Her mother's all, not quite, dude. "The code key you retrieved from the CIA is unusable. I can only assume that was deliberate on their part. Vaughn played you. He's likely to try again. But that will be his last mistake." Moronen hangs up on her mother and wonders if there are some banners or flags somewhere on which she can write, "I am a big fat TRAITOR!"
Somewhere in the basement of Oops Center, later that night, Sloane's dead body is just hangin' out. Chillin'. Sorry. It couldn't be helped. Someone walks in and unzips the bag. Then they take out a syringe and stick it into Sloane's neck. The camera pans up and it's Jack. Heh. Heh heh. Sloane suddenly gasps and comes to. Heh heh heh. Sloane's not dead. I totally thought he died, y'all. Really. "Surprised you didn't get the reference," says Jack. "Modified kaexelate cocktail washed with tetrodotoxin presented in a bottle of Chambertin Clos de Bez. Just like we used in Saigon." Hee. Sloane looks confused. And not dead. "But understand," says Jack, leaning over him, "this was not done out of compassion. I orchestrated this because and only because I need you." Sloane doesn't seem to like the sound of that.
But I sure as hell do! WOOOO! My old Alias is back! Yay! Sincerely? Best episode ever. Or at least this season. Which isn't really saying much, I know, but still. I had a good time. And that's the most important thing, isn't it? Just say yes. And then go drink some more.
Next on Alias: Spy Skipper shows up. Hee. I know. I can't wait either. Also? There might be some Shirtless!Vaughn! That's not confirmed. But I, for one, will be tuning in.