Alias
Alias

Episode Report Card
Erin: B | 498 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The (Creepy Little) Orchid Thief

Auction house. The Vespertine Papers come out and are announced as Lot 47. Everyone is invited to peruse the Papers before bidding. Nadia heads up and pretends to look at the papers while actually getting shots of the other people who come up to look. Two men are identified and deemed unimportant. But a woman walks up, and it's the woman from the monastery. They can't ID her. Nadia zooms in on the woman's name tag and thereby her generous cleavage, and Marshall practically knocks the table over with his erection. The man's a walking gland. Vaughn's all, dude. Easy. Jack discovers that Ms. Booby O'Titsalot is working for a dummy corporation, so she's a phony. The bidding starts as the Papers leave the room in the company of a couple of guards. Suddenly, Ms. O'Titsalot makes a phone call and stops bidding. Everyone's on alert. Marshall can't decrypt the call. The woman heads out of the room.

Syd and Jack are all, dude? Are you sure this is your mark? Sloane's all, dudes. Seriously. Trust me on this. She's our man. Nadia and Dixon chase after the woman, who starts running down a hallway. Sloane tells Dix that the woman's a decoy and that he should go after the Papers. He's too late, though. The Clone's other henchman has just shot the guards and taken the Papers. Chase chase chase. Dix finds the guards. Dix runs outside and shoots at a retreating van. Vaughn and Marshall screech up in their own van and cut it off. Vaughn kills the henchman who's driving. Dix kills the other henchman. Marshall (with a gun!) and everyone else move around to the back of the van and rip up the tarp. Sloane Clone sits calmly and primly inside with the Papers on his lap. "Marcus!" he says in surprise. Vaughn tells the Apple Store that the imposter's been nabbed.

Interrogation Room of Prissy Little Mama's Boys. Sorry. I don't like the Clone. I like Joel Grey just fine, but his Sloane bugs. And I'm all out of patience with this plot device. The Clone's got a hood on his head. It's removed, and so are his handcuffs, and he's left alone in a white room. He takes a sip of water, and the door opens. In walk Jack and Sloane. The Clone's all, dude! Jack! Whassup? Jack's all, you know me? The Clone's all, duh! Sloane's all, what about me? Do you know me? Clone's all, uh, no. Sloane's all, dude? I AM ARVIN SLOANE. Clone's all, no, I AM ARVIN SLOANE. Jack's all, no, IIIII AM ARVIN SLOANE. I'm all, I DON'T CARE WHO'S ARVIN SLOANE, JUST GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

Alias

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