Alias
In Dreams…

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The (Creepy Little) Orchid Thief

That's when his people kick into high gear. A pretty girl hangs up her cell phone and turns to the guy next to her. "Plan B," she says. He turns to a mini Clifford and fires it up. Immediately, shit starts happening with the bees. They start attacking the Hot Monks. As Clifford spins, Sloane Clone's henchmen watch and the bees go into hyperdrive. Sloane Clone watches as they all drop dead around him. He's wearing protective gear, of course. He heads on over to Sexy Kampinski, whose formerly hot face is all swollen and disgusting. He begs for help, and Sloane Clone holds out a vial of anti-venom. But he wants the Rambaldi orchid formulas first. "You go to hell," spits the monk. "You first," returns Sloane Clone, firing a rifle directly into the monk's head. Ouch.

Hell-Lay. Jack's doctor is instructing him to keep his arms bent so that his wrists are above his heart. Jack's all, yeah, I know, keep the arms bent. I GET IT. Jack's a very cranky patient, it would seem. Syd smiles at the doctor, and Jack's all, they treat me like an idiot! And he starts to put his arms down and Syd's all, dude? Keep 'em up! It's for your own good. Jack's supposed to follow Dr. Liddell's instructions to the letter, or the cure won't work. Why this means Jack has to go around with his arms uselessly bent upwards is beyond me but, you know, it's funny watching him flounder like this. Jack hesitatingly tells Syd that he never thanked her for what she did during the whole "I'm My Own Mother" Saturday Playworks Series. She says he doesn't have to thank her. He asks whose idea it was for her to pretend to be Irina. Syd says it was Sloane's.

Then she sits down on the bed and talks to her father about how he broke protocol when he told his wife he was in the CIA and that's how she stole agency secrets. This would be a much bigger reveal if they hadn't already revealed it back in, what was it, SEASON ONE? I think the writers need to stop sucking on the exhaust pipes of their cars and start perusing some past season DVDs, no? Whatever. Syd goes on to say that he also said something about resigning from the agency. "You would have, Dad," says Syd. "If she hadn't left?" Jack's back to his gruff old self. "I didn't like being away all the time," he grits. "Not being a part of your life." Aw! "You're part of it now," she says. AW! I just love these two. Can Victor Garber be my daddy? I'm sure my real daddy won't mind at all.

Conference Room of Endless Expositions. Sloane fills everyone in on the orchid theft and how it was Sloane Clone who did the stealing. Syd wants to know what's so special about the orchid, and Marshall says it has chemical properties that heighten the receptivity of the neural pathways. Or something. Sloane looks at Jack. Jack looks at Sloane. Once again, the Spy Daddies are up to no damn good. Sloane states that they've been tasked with finding the orchid and rounding up the imposter. Everyone scrambles to get to work. "Arvin?" says Jack, standing up and leaning on his cane. "A word." Damn. The man is still kind of dangerous, even with a cane. I honestly don't know how he does that.

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Alias

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