Alias
In Dreams…

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The (Creepy Little) Orchid Thief

Jack and Sloane retreat to Sloane's office, and Jack immediately goes off on him, saying that Sloane said "it" was harmless and that "this" could never happen. Sloane didn't know "it" could, whatever "it" is. "I never imagined the effects of the orchid could be reversed," says Sloane. Do you think that Garber and Rifkin just giggle and giggle whenever they have to say lines like "I never imagined the effects of the orchid could be reversed"? I mean, what's NOT funny about that line when taken out of context? I just picture Rifkin being like, "I never imagined…HOO HOO HOO…the effects of the orch-- HA HA HA HA!!" But I digress. Jack spits that someone obviously thought about reversing the effects of the orchid and that someone is roaming the earth, looking a whole hell of a lot like Sloane.

Sloane says it ain't over 'til the fat red Clifford sings and, quite frankly, what they saw was a demonstration of the Clifford on insects, not humans. Jack snaps that they are looking at a global disaster, due in no small part to what Sloane put in place. Sloane is just like, dude! I get it! I'm partly responsible! Now shut up and go get me that damn orchid! Jack says that if they don't recover the orchid in 72 hours, he's going to Langley with this. "It'll mean the end of you, Arvin," he sneers. "You too, Jack," retorts Sloane. "I know," says Jack. "72 hours." He walks out, and the Horns of Impending World Disaster take us to the credits.

And now is the time on Alias when we beeeessszzzzzzzz.

Barbie Penthouse. Dixon, Nadia, Syd, and Vaughn are chomping some Chinese food and discussing a potential plan to get the orchid. Syd suggests that they pretend the Vespertine Papers are coming up for auction and draw the Sloane Clone out of hiding. They're going to leak intel that these papers, which mention the orchid, were found in Sexy Kampinski's belongings. Dix picks up the phone and makes a call.

We jet off to Paris, where Dix and Nadia are pretending to be potential bidders. Nadia's wearing a hideous orange/red wig and glasses with a camera hidden in the frames. Vaughn and Marshall are monitoring the action from a safe distance. Syd's back at the Apple Store with Jack and Sloane, watching from afar. Since the clone has seen her before, Syd can't directly participate. Or she's pregnant and has to be stuck behind a table for every scene so no one sees her belly which, you know, you'd better get used to since you're looking at the future of Season Five, people.

Auction house. The Vespertine Papers come out and are announced as Lot 47. Everyone is invited to peruse the Papers before bidding. Nadia heads up and pretends to look at the papers while actually getting shots of the other people who come up to look. Two men are identified and deemed unimportant. But a woman walks up, and it's the woman from the monastery. They can't ID her. Nadia zooms in on the woman's name tag and thereby her generous cleavage, and Marshall practically knocks the table over with his erection. The man's a walking gland. Vaughn's all, dude. Easy. Jack discovers that Ms. Booby O'Titsalot is working for a dummy corporation, so she's a phony. The bidding starts as the Papers leave the room in the company of a couple of guards. Suddenly, Ms. O'Titsalot makes a phone call and stops bidding. Everyone's on alert. Marshall can't decrypt the call. The woman heads out of the room.

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Alias

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