Alias
In Dreams…

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
The (Creepy Little) Orchid Thief

Syd and Jack are all, dude? Are you sure this is your mark? Sloane's all, dudes. Seriously. Trust me on this. She's our man. Nadia and Dixon chase after the woman, who starts running down a hallway. Sloane tells Dix that the woman's a decoy and that he should go after the Papers. He's too late, though. The Clone's other henchman has just shot the guards and taken the Papers. Chase chase chase. Dix finds the guards. Dix runs outside and shoots at a retreating van. Vaughn and Marshall screech up in their own van and cut it off. Vaughn kills the henchman who's driving. Dix kills the other henchman. Marshall (with a gun!) and everyone else move around to the back of the van and rip up the tarp. Sloane Clone sits calmly and primly inside with the Papers on his lap. "Marcus!" he says in surprise. Vaughn tells the Apple Store that the imposter's been nabbed.

Interrogation Room of Prissy Little Mama's Boys. Sorry. I don't like the Clone. I like Joel Grey just fine, but his Sloane bugs. And I'm all out of patience with this plot device. The Clone's got a hood on his head. It's removed, and so are his handcuffs, and he's left alone in a white room. He takes a sip of water, and the door opens. In walk Jack and Sloane. The Clone's all, dude! Jack! Whassup? Jack's all, you know me? The Clone's all, duh! Sloane's all, what about me? Do you know me? Clone's all, uh, no. Sloane's all, dude? I AM ARVIN SLOANE. Clone's all, no, I AM ARVIN SLOANE. Jack's all, no, IIIII AM ARVIN SLOANE. I'm all, I DON'T CARE WHO'S ARVIN SLOANE, JUST GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

Marshall and Nadia are monitoring the action in the room, and Sloane Clone states for the record that he is Arvin Sloane. Marshall looks befuddled. Finally, Jack and Sloane and the clone take seats and Jack starts interviewing him. He brings up the orchid theft and how Sloane Clone's been caught. It's all over. Sloane Clone just isn't buying any of it. He honestly thinks he's Sloane. He starts rattling off specific dates and events that only Sloane could know about. Jack shoots Sloane a look and asks Sloane Clone how he can explain that this man to his left started an agency called OmniFam and the world knows his face as Arvin Sloane? "He's a CIA stooge with my good looks," says Clone. "And I can prove it." He goes on to say that in Santiago, he saw that Dix and Syd were there on the mission together, and there's no way in hell they'd work with the same man who killed their loved ones. Syd, who's listening outside, looks a wee bit uncomfortable at this statement. "What's the more logical outcome?" says Clone. "That I'm the imposter or that you are?" Which…yeah. This is stupid. We know which one is the real clone. Because I find Joel Grey about as threatening as a plate of asparagus in a hollandaise sauce.

After the break, Syd, Nadia, and Marshall are sitting around, listening in, when Marshall finally says that he's found something weird. Nadia goes to tell Jack that Marshall wants to see him, and Jack leaves, saying to Sloane, "Try not to kill him." Heh. Jack walks out to Marshall, who shows him the EEG readings of the imposter's brain. After rattling off his regular mumbo-jumbo, we find out that the EEG readings of the imposter's brain exactly match the EEG readings of the real Sloane's brain. Back at SD-6, Marshall worked on a program that involved encoding brains. McCullough ran that program. McCullough, if you'll recall, was the Spy Inquisitor from past episodes. I'd link to them, but the couple of instances I found really didn't have him doing much at all, so I find it hard to believe that he's all that threatening.

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Alias

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