Alias
Alias

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 319 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Phantom of the Spy Opera

Syd enters. Blah blah blah, oh you still live here? Bling blam blooey, I know, I know, I'm sorry. Flim fling flox, how's work? La la la lamppost, wanna know about tax shelters? Sing Blue Silver, what're you up to today? Swing Low, Sweet Chariot, goin' to look for a new tux. Drool drip deluxe, a tux? For what? Gah. GAAAAAAHHHH. Shut up already. Okay. Fine. Francie sees a bruise on Syd's arm and asks how she got it. Since Syd's a world-class espionage expert, she dribbles something about how a guy on the flight back from Seattle hit her with his carry-on luggage. That's a good one, Syd. Because all carry-on luggage is sharp-edged and draws blood. She couldn't have said, maybe, that she'd engaged in some rather rough racquetball playing and injured herself in a fall? Lord.

Conference Room Of Endless Expositions. Uncle Arvin and Spy Daddy are yammering on about Kasineau, and how he's well-stocked to launch a full-out war on the rest of the spy community, when Marshall enters and blithers about how he's sorry he's late and he's also sorry that he's covered in hives. Why is he covered in hives? Because he's developing a dermal pigmentation capsule and it's not quite right and -- um, never mind. Again, why is he covered in hives? Because it's funny. Or, I should say, because it's supposed to be funny. Yeah.

Marshall finally shuts up and takes his seat as everyone stares at him like he's just turned a vibrant shade of plaid. Spy Daddy purses his lips and goes on with the Exposition Dance, telling everyone that for the past five years, SD-6 has had two deep undercover agents installed in the Russian Embassy in Vienna. One of them, Kyle Wexler, recently sent SD-6 a communiqué that said Kasineau has converted $250 million in assets into cold hard cash. Sloane wants to know just what Kasineau's spending his money on. Wexler informed SD-6 that he's uncovered details about Kasineau's spending habits and encoded the information onto a microchip. Wexler's scheduled a "brush-past" for Saturday night at the Embassy ball. "We've arranged for you to attend," finishes Spy Daddy.

Sydney looks positively shocked. After the meeting, Syd runs up to Uncle Arvin and reminds him that she's taken herself off active duty. Then why in the HELL was she in the meeting in the first place? If she was really off active duty, she'd be at home, wearing her fluffy pajamas, eating chocolate chip pancakes, and watching Days of Our Lives. Whatever. Sloane's all, Kasineau is your top priority, dude. Sydney's all, I don't understand what this Russian dicksmack has to do with my mother. Sloane's all, shut up, you whiny bitch -- Kasineau was your mother's superior, okay? This is the only clue I can offer you, so suck it up and DEAL. "The more we find out about Kasineau, the closer we get to finding your mother," says Sloane.

Alias

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