Maternal Instinct

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 3 USERS: A-
Happy Mother's Day, bitch.

Syd's crying and her labor pains begin in earnest. Peyton's lone team member shows up, and Irina tells Sydney to give her the gun. Syd shakes her head no. "Syd, they're coming!" says her mother. Syd hands over the gun and Irina shoots the guy dead. She then puts the gun down and slices off the ties that are binding her wrists together. She walks back over to her daughter and it looks like she's going to give her some tender goodbye hug or something, but she just picks up the bag with The Horizon in it and coldly looks at her daughter. "In time you'll learn," she says, "you can't do both." "Watch me," grits Syd, a daddy's girl through and through. She starts to gasp in pain as Irina runs off. Syd's trying to hold it together, but she's barely hanging on. Irina stops and looks at her. Finally, she runs back over and kneels in front of Sydney. "The only reason I saved the baby is because you're my daughter," she says. "Now do exactly as I tell you. Get in that chair." Aw. She can TOO be an agent and a mother!

Peyton makes it to the floor Jack's hiding on and opens the door with her gun a blazin'. "This really is no place for you, Grandpa," she snits at him from across the room. Hee. "By the way, where's Sydney registered? I'd love to get her a gift for the baby." Hee hee hee. Awesome. Jack locates a fire extinguisher and tosses it her way. She shoots in his direction, then notices the extinguisher at her feet right at the same moment that Jack shoots directly at it, blowing it sky high. He walks over and sees Peyton flat out on the ground, ostensibly dead. But the second he walks away, her right hand moves, so, duh, not dead.

Bristow Birthing Room. Irina's telling Sydney not to push and Sydney's all, "Must. Get. Bowling. Ball. Out. Of. Body." Irina tells her that she can't push because the baby's being born breech. Jack arrives and asks what's going on. Irina tells him that Sydney's muscles are locked and that she needs to relax. Jack moves over and takes Sydney's hand, telling her to squeeze it as hard as she can. Irina tells her daughter to breathe in and out as Jack tells her that she can do this. Syd says she can't. Jack says she can. Syd says she doesn't want to do this here. What, she doesn't want to give birth to her baby on the floor of some office with her mother looking at her hoo-hah? I can't imagine why.

Jack tells her to tell him where she wants to be, and she says she wants to be on the beach. And Vaughn is with her. Jack tells her to keep telling him about the beach and Vaughn. "I miss him," she says. "I know," he says. "I know you do, sweetheart." Irina grabs a towel and tells her daughter to push. Jack tells her she can do this and tells her to push as hard as she can. Irina says, "Good!" And...two seconds later, the Spy Baby is born. No shit. Easiest birth ever. Pregnant women everywhere shout, "I CALL BULLSHIT!" "Sydney," says Irina, "you have a baby girl." Sydney sobs and looks down at her little daughter, who's covered in goop, as she should be. Suddenly, Sydney realizes that her mother's disappeared, taking the Horizon satchel with her. Jack declares they'll find her. He looks down at the baby. "Sweetie..." he says with real emotion on his face. "She's so beautiful." Awwww.

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