Out Of The Box

Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B-
Who's yer daddy? ...No, really. Who's your daddy?

This recap comes to you fresh from Halloween in the Palmetto State, where it's sixty degrees at 8:06 PM and the kids have finally stopped knocking on my door and yelling, "Bitch! Why you not handin' out candy?" My neighbor kindly informed them that I was dead and they went on their merry way with a handful of granola bar snack packs that he'd grabbed out of his garbage or something and I am finally at peace enough to recap this episode.

Previously on Alias: There was some hot casino action, Rachel earned her name back, Syd and her fetus hung from a magnet, Sloane escaped the clutches of prison and some terrifying "drop the soap" scenarios, and…the episode didn't suck. Clap your hands, children! Maybe this one won't suck either! Oh, also in the "previouslys," we're reminded of that one time, over by that thing near the place where we went, Élodie had stolen the box with the somewhat-dead body in it. That'll be important here in a second.

We begin the episode at a U.S. Army storage facility in Frankfurt, Germany. It's pissing down rain. Just as an officer in rain gear sends off a big truck, some small figure in black cat burglar gear (let's call him/her "Black Cat," shall we?) comes up behind him and takes him out with what I think is a stun gun. He goes down, and Black Cat runs up the stairs and into the facility. Black Cat blowtorches through a locked gate as a guard outside comes upon his fallen comrade. Way to leave the bodies behind, Black Cat. Inside the facility, Black Cat flashlights its way through blackness and comes upon a carton with a big red cross on it. It would seem Black Cat is after some medical gear.

Outside, the guard is reporting the man down to another guy inside, only the guy inside is also down, courtesy of Black Cat. Suddenly alarms go off and Black Cat starts freaking out and running through the interior. Another guard comes up and starts shooting at Black Cat, but he dumbly ignores the fact that there are some serious tanks of explosive materials in there, and he shoots one of them, setting the place on fire. Black Cat runs through the fire toward a window and jumps through it just as the interior explodes. Black Cat lands on top of a truck with a heavy "CLANG!" and it also appears that he/she is on fire. But no worries, Black Cat somehow escapes through the canvas of the truck unscathed and then STOPS not INCHES from the facility he/she just blew up and REMOVES his/her mask and it's Élodie, with a smashing new Meg Ryan razor hairdo. I'm sorry, isn't she supposed to be The Raven? The most notorious assassin on book since…Saddam? Apparently, Élodie didn't pay attention during Notorious Assassin Lesson #47: DON'T REMOVE YOUR MASK UNTIL YOU'RE IN A COUNTRY AT LEAST 5,000 MILES FROM THE ONE YOU JUST BLEW UP.

And now, for your moment of Zen.

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