Alias
Page 47

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When Good Sketches Go Bad

Speaking of gross, Willage is in bed, drowsily contemplating making Jenny sleep in the wet spot, when a door slams and Jenny herself appears. She's carrying a big ol' bowl of java and wearing an absolutely adorable white tank top and frilly gray bloomers. She offers him some "coffee," but before she can suck another hickey onto his neck, Willage declines, saying that he has to meet with Ken Olin again. Jenny asks him what he's going to wear. Willage responds that he's just going to a prison so it doesn't really matter what he wears. Jenny's all, um, no, doofus, what're you wearing next week? Willage is all, what next week? Jenny's all, didn't you get my letter? Willage is all, what letter? Jenny's all, okay you REALLY need to start reading the things that I give to you, as well as start paying attention to my needs and wants as a woman, you pathetic floppy-haired ding-dong.

Jenny hands Willage a conveniently placed copy of "the letter." Willage has apparently received some sort of recognition for some random, probably poorly written article about some guy named Louis Maroma. Like, Willage has won some award or something, because the readers have voted his article one of the most inspirational articles of the year. Or something. Like I care. Jenny wants to know if he wants to go out and celebrate, like, this Friday? "Oh, I can't, I can't," stammers Willage, obviously hedging his bets that he'll have something better to do this Friday than hang out with a girl that obviously digs his chili. "I gotta do somethin' on Friday." "Oh, okay," says Jenny, checking her mental database for phrases that fuckstains often use in order to get out of spending time with would-be girlfriends.

Okay, then Jenny's apparently in the shower while Willage "I gotta do somethin' on Friday" Idiot is calling Sydney in order to tell her about his lame-ass award. Sydney, having just eluded two gun-toting Russkys, chats on her cell phone with Willage as if she's hanging out on a park bench in the Bois de Bologne. Of course, she's NOT on a park bench in the Bois de Bologne; she's in the fucking van with Dixon, cleaning up after the Moscow/mannequin incident. Willage asks Syd if she'd like to attend a showing of North by Northwest at the Fairfax on Friday night, and have some dinner to celebrate his award. Why, of course she would! She just has to save the world beforehand. "Okay, so, Friday night," says Syd. "It's a date." "It's a date," responds Willage, all smiles and grins. Way to dis your girlfriend, Willage.

Over at Credit Dauphine, Sloane's so onto Lois Lame's random stupidity that it's almost alarming that the idiot has made it this far into the series without being offed. Sloane's showing Spy Daddy some footage of Lois talking to Ken Olin at the prison. "About eight years ago," says Sloane, "[Ken Olin] created an encryption system that we wanted to acquire, but he wouldn't sell." There's no audio on the footage, but SD-6 got hold of the prison log, and it would seem that Lois Lame has been to see Ken Olin a total of three times in the last two weeks. Uncle Arvin goes on to say that Spy Daddy had previously convinced him that Lois Lame was just a harmless metro reporter, but now that Lois has found Ken Olin, his status has been upgraded to a credible threat. Uncle Arvin checks his watch and gets some little pills out of a cloisonné pillbox. No, I don't know what they are, but I'm hoping that they're Ecstasy and in about an hour or so, Uncle Arvin's going to drop trou, turn up the ABBA, and start licking his computer screen. I'd pay top dollar to see that, people.

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Alias

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