Alias
Pandora

Episode Report Card
Erin: A | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Did we really need another Mr. Sloane?

Minutes later, Vaughn, dressed as a doctor, and Izzy, dressed as a nurse, are stalking through the halls. Vaughn passes his ID card through a gateway and he and Izzy enter the secured area. Deeper down, a door opens and Vaughn enters a red-lit super-secret area. He moves instantly over to the laser. He asks for some light, and Izzy removes a belt from her thigh. It's pretty obvious that we're supposed to think that Izzy is a Syd replacement; she's smart, pretty, and ready for anything that's thrown her way. The one problem is: she's not Syd. And Vaughn knows this. So, he's treating Izzy as what she is: his assistant.

In order to remove the cold laser from its place, Vaughn has to make sure to not destroy the emitter. Izzy wants to know if they can't just unplug it or something. Vaughn's like, oh, sure, yeah. If you want to blow it up and kill ourselves in the process. I don't think you want to do that, do you? What would the Bond Girl reunion be without you? As Vaughn works on the laser, Izzy asks him questions. She's all, so, you're CIA, huh? He's all, is that what Omar told you? Izzy's all, Omar said you're in a period of transition. Vaughn's all, oh, doesn't Omar tell the nicest stories? You should check out his story hour at the damn UCLA library. His fables are the BEST.

Izzy spills that she tried out for the CIA because they were looking for female agents with Russian language skills. They rejected her. Heh. "You're probably better off," says Vaughn, still working on the laser. "That's what I figure," says Izzy. "More profit…and more fun, too." She leans into Vaughn when she says this. He has absolutely no reaction to her. He fixes the laser and goes to remove it. "Let me help," says Izzy, moving faaaaaaar too close to Vaughn. He pulls back. "I'm good, thanks," he snits. Heh. Vaughn removes the laser and puts it down on a table. Just then, a security guard enters. He's greeted with Vaughn, doing naughty things to Izzy up against a wall. The guard clears his throat and Vaughn turns, all haughty and French. "How dare you! Get out of here!" The guard's all, excusez-moi! Je m'excuse! I just need to check your identifications. Vaughn moves forward to show his ID and…then they fight.

Look. I know I have a thing for Michael Vartan, okay? That's established. But in this scene? In the red light? With him kicking some stranger's ass? I basically felt myself giving up the Catholic Church and praying to the Holy Apostolic Church of Vartan because, y'all? Dude KICKS ASS in this scene. And I don't care if most of it was his stunt double. All I care about is that it made Michael Vartan look gooooood. And gooooood is where I want Michael Vartan to be. So, finally, the guard drops. Vaughn looks down at him for a good second, and then walks away. He shouldn't have. Because the second he walks away, the guard gets up and shoots and…Izzy drops him with a single shot. "Let's go," she says, grabbing the laser. Vaughn looks down at the innocent man they just killed. "We need to leave now," she says, moving past him. Vaughn just looks down at him, aghast at what he might have done.

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Alias

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