Alias
Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
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If Music Be The Food Of Love

Mama Hari's Barrio Of Blistering Biceps. The Four Spysketeers are stacked outside Irina's glass in a diamond formation; Kendall's obviously just repeated his inspiring speech for Irina's benefit. Irina's all, yeah, and? What would you have done, huh? Given Syd false codes for here to hand over to Sark and Sloane? Yeah, because that would have worked. Because they're THAT STUPID. "Sark may have known the difference and she would have been exposed as a double agent," Irina purrs. "I wasn't willing to risk her life that way."

Kendall and Irina launch into a catfight that goes a little something like this:

Kendall: Okay, so, enough chit-chat. Do you know where the nukes are?
Irina: [simpering] Yeah. Not like I'm gonna tell YOU that.
Kendall: How very mature of you. Where the FUCK are they?
Irina: La-la-la-la-la.
Kendall: IRINA!
Irina: [petulant Eddie-Izzard-as-England-hiding-countries-behind-back tone] Whuh?
Kendall: Oh, boy. If there weren't this glass between us...
Irina: Ya know, I haven't been sleeping very well.
Kendall: Like I care. Your point?
Irina: My point is that this galvanized steel TROUGH I've been napping in isn't really doing my back any favors. I'd like a set of pink flannel Powerpuff Girls sheets and an imperial goose-down pillow in a hypo-allergenic case, if you please.
Kendall: Fine. Whatever. Want some fluffy bunny slippers to go along with that?
Irina: Oooh! Bunny slippers! Yes! Thanks!
Kendall: Done. Now. Spill.
Irina: Spill what?
Kendall: Don't "what" me, you dirty bitch. The warheads? SPEAK.
Irina: [smacking gum] Mm. Yeah. Okay. So, the warheads are in Kashmir, okay? Wherever THAT is. They're in some kinda maximum security prison camp or somethin'. Now it's a stronghold for Prince and the Revolution or somethin'. [smack]
Kendall: Uh, do you mean the People's Revolutionary Front?
Irina: [blows bubble] Yeah, yeah. Whatever. [pops bubble]
Kendall: So Sarkie and Sloaney have partnered with the PRF?
Irina: [sighs heavily, rolls eyes, cracks knuckles] I guess.
Kendall: Can you give us the camp's coordinates?
Irina: Can you hammer a six-inch nail into a board with your penis?
Kendall: What?

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Alias

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