Alias
Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
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If Music Be The Food Of Love

Meanwhile, at a public lawn bowling facility that has NO business being ANYWHERE near Los Angeles, Will's hanging out on some benches watching a bunch of old farts toss heavy black balls around (hee!). Suddenly, Vaughn's there, watching along with him. Will's all, hope I didn't pull you away from anything important or super-cool. Vaughn's all, no, it's cool. I need to do something to keep my mind off the dirty movies starring Syd that are running around in my brain. What's up? Will says, "Look, except for you, Sydney, and Jack, everybody I know -- and a lot of people I don't -- they think I'm a lying junkie, okay? And helping you, doing something for the CIA, it felt like a chance to do something that mattered again, you know? Like, I don't know, maybe I went through all this crap for a reason." He slides a magazine over to Vaughn.

Vaughn picks up the magazine. "What is this?" Will's all, look, I know you can't pay me or anything. That's cool. It's just, in that magazine, you're looking at forty names. Those are forty kids who got a perfect score on the standardized test that included the Project Christmas questions. God, Bradley's eyes are gorgeous. I'm having difficulty concentrating on the scene, they're so pretty. Vaughn's all, okay, uh, how'd you get this? Will blathers something about Carnegie Mellon and some cultural bias study they did. Vaughn's all, uh, the FBI has been trying to narrow down a list of kids for as long as you have, and so far they haven't come up with a single name. Okay, so, what? Will's ahead of the FBI AGAIN? How does that happen? I mean, I'm okay with the idea that Will's a great reporter and everything, but he's just one guy, ya know? What the hell are our tax dollars good for, anyway? Super Will is all, they probably couldn't find anything because they don't know that the tax records from '82 were missing from the test archives. Vaughn's all, "missing"? What do ya mean "missing"? Who took them? "I don't know yet," says Will, thereby suggesting that just because he doesn't know YET doesn't mean he won't know SOON. Hear that Vaughn? Our boy's working off the clock and he ain't gonna stop any time soon. Buy the dude a beer already, man!

New Delhi. Land Of Shah Jahan, Samosas, And Fantastic Traffic Accidents. A train pulls up to a station that has somehow managed to become drenched in yellow food coloring. You know, because all of India is ochre-colored. Inside the station, an attractive Indian man with shoulder-length black curls is perusing passports. He's checking out Jack's and comparing the passport photo with the real thing standing before him. Too bad Jack With A Moustache looks more like Jack The Porn Star than Jack The Vacationing Family Man. As if the hilarity that is Jack's Moustache were not enough, we're force-fed the images of Space Cadet Sydney And Her Bouncy Blonde Wig and Serenely Scary Spy Mommy And Her Waxing White Oleander Wig. It's no longer the Spy Family. It's the Hideous Hair Family.

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Alias

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