Alias
Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
If Music Be The Food Of Love

Jack removes Irina's black spy suit from the luggage and turns to hand it to her. Of course, she's stripped down to her naughty bits and Jack is absolutely floored. He sort of stands there with his tongue scraping his shoelaces as Irina takes the spy suit from him and enjoys how much the sight of her bodacious ta-tas unnerves him. She smiles sexily at him; he just gulps hard and gets back to business. Of course, removing his pants in order to put on his spy suit is going to probably require several back issues of Field & Stream and a videotape of one of Margaret Thatcher's old speeches, but I have confidence that Jack can get the job done in time to save the world.

As the train speeds toward its destination, Syd, sans Bouncy Blonde Wig, enters the cargo hold. She presses a button on a small device and triggers a light on a luggage trunk in the corner. As she opens the trunk, Jack and Irina burst through the door in all their sleek spy suit glory. Jack flings the side door open as the horn section borrowed from the official James Bond Orchestra wah-wahs one of their special Deep Undercover Danger spy themes.

Syd tosses parachute packs to her parents as Jack points out that, once they reach that bridge in the distance, they're at the point of no return. They have to jump or the whole operation's lost. Then Jack and Irina argue about who's going to jump first. Irina's all, I'd offer to go first, but I don't want you screeching at me that I'm trying to escape. Jack's all, oh, that's so clever! We jump together, you sneaky siren and Syd, you follow. Irina's all, smart thinking, Danger Don. The winds are too strong and our chutes could get tangled. You go first. Jack's all, yeah, right. Think again, Christmas Jones. You go first. "You'll have to trust me sometime!" Irina shouts. "Trust is the LAST thing you'll be getting from me!" Jack retorts. Once again, Syd's had it. "Shut up!" she shouts, flinging herself out the gaping door and out into the wind. Jack grabs Irina and throws her out the door, following her closely himself.

They parachute down to a largely uncovered patch on the side of a mountain. There's a full moon out, and by golly, they're going to take FULL advantage of it. Never mind that they're in open view of, well, EVERYONE. Jack walks over and carps at Sydney about how he told HER to follow THEM once they jumped. Syd's all, oh, I'm sorry. I just figured you were so busy BITCHING at each other that we were going to miss our window. Jack's all, Syd, honey, I need to be sure that I can count on you whether you agree with me or not. Syd's all, yeah, okay, whatever. In the future, though, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave your baggage in the cargo hold where it belongs and allow us to GET ON WITH BUSINESS. Irina walks up and points off in the distance at something. There's a blinking light. Jack blinks his flashlight in response, and the three of them move off toward their contact.

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Alias

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