Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
If Music Be The Food Of Love

At that particular moment, Inspector Dingus enters and splutters about how sorry he is that he's late. Sloane introduces Inspector Dingus to Sark, and Dingus looks directly at him and says, "Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me." Okay. I laughed out loud when he said that. In fact, I laughed out loud so hard that I choked on a blue-cheese-stuffed olive I had been sucking out of the bottom of my martini, and Julio had to give me the Heimlich. This, of course, was the precise moment when Viggo decided to enter the room and suggest we order in from the Swedish Smorgasbord up on Western Avenue, and he stupidly mistook Julio's life-saving technique as, well, something else, and he picked up Julio by the ears and flung him over his shoulder while I hacked up my mangled olive. Luckily, Julio landed smack-dab in the middle of our king-sized plaid shag-covered bean bag. Oh, well. Boys will be boys, I suppose.

Anyway, after entreating Sarkie to spare his life, Dingus rushes to take his seat before Sark pulls out a bullwhip and starts going all Indiana Jones on his ass. While Jennifer Garner and the rest of the group submerge their guffaws beneath stony exteriors, Sark gibbers something about how he understands that none of them have any reason to believe a word he says, but, like, really, it's not in his best interests to betray them. "You've given me the opportunity of a lifetime and I don't intend to squander it." There's not a single person in the room who buys this for one second.

Mama Hari's Den Of Daughterly Deceptions. Syd's filling her mommy in on the Sloane/Sark arrangement. Then she's all, hey, by the way, did you ever tell Sark that I was a double agent? Mama Hari's all, Sydney, baby, no way! But she says it with this look on her face that is SO earnest that you just KNOW she sold Syd out to Sark for the price of a bag of Munchos. They stare at each other for a minute before Syd says something about how she's grateful to her mother for saving Vaughn's life. Mama Hari looks really self-satisfied when Syd says this, like it was HER who was getting dowsed with flesh-melting chemicals in some Estonian storage facility and not SYD.

Syd's all, yeah, so, real glad you saved my boyfriend, but, like, that doesn't mean I trust you yet. Mama Hari's all, yeah, yeah, yeah. What-EVER. You don't trust me, and yet, HERE YOU ARE. After some more peach-flavored smirking from Mama Hari, she asks Syd what intelligence Sark's provided Sloane with.

Flashback Of Somewhat Significant Scuttlebutt. We're back with the troops in Exposition Land as Detective Do That To Me One More Time tells everyone that the guy they're looking at on the screen is someone named "Sokolov," one of Sark's nefarious contacts. Sokolov is a freelance mercenary who has frequently offered Sark the chance to purchase intelligence before he brings it to the black market. Man. I bet you make a lot more money as a freelance mercenary than you do as a freelance copywriter. I should look into that.

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