Sark's all, yeah, so, recently, Sokolov asked me if I'd be interested in picking up a little set of communication codes used by Uzbekistan's ground forces along the border. Sloane interrupts with, "If we don't obtain those codes, Sokolov will sell them to extremist rebels hiding in neighboring Tajikistan. With those codes, they can track Uzbek troop movements and plan terrorist attacks. This would gravely destabilize our allies in Asia." Yeah. I'm pretty fucking grateful for closed captioning right about now. First Mate Funkytown finishes his dissertation with the announcement that Syd and Dix will make contact with Sokolov while posing as Sark's associates. Then they'll purchase the codes and bring them to SD-6.
Return to Mama Hari's Den Of Daughterly Deceptions, The Sequel. Syd (and all the rest of us) knows damn well that Sloane could give two shits about peace in Asia. So the real question is, why in the HELL does he want those codes? Instead of providing Sydney with the illumination she seeks, Mama Hari quite blithely requests that Syd convince her superiors to let Mama Hari out of lock-up for forty-eight hours. Syd's all, oh, is that all? Sure. No problem. Lemme just get Kendall on the line here and ask him IF YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND! Mama Hari's all, hey, I'll agree to a Special Forces escort. Syd's all, uh, that's real special of you. LIKE I CARE. Why do you need to leave here? Mama Hari's all, can't tell ya. Syd's all, okay, uh, then where are you going? Mama Hari's all, uh, can't tell ya that either. Listen, you have to trust me, okay? Syd's all, WHAT'RE THE CODES FOR, DUDE? Mama Hari's all, I'm trying to help you, honey. Syd's all, cut me some slack with this one, dude! Mama Hari's all, LOOK, I'LL HELP YOU BUT I HAVE TO DO IT IN MY OWN WAY. Syd's all, yeah? Well, your way SUCKS. Then, SLAM! Irina balls-out hits the shit out of the partition glass, stunning Syd with her ferociousness. Actually, she scared the hell out of me as well. I mean, she's a little woman and that partition is unbreakable, but still...I jumped about three feet in the air when her fist hit that glass. Using her angry "I'm your mother and you better keep your mouth shut before I send you to bed without dessert" voice, Irina tells Syd, "I cannot give you details because I don't trust the CIA. They almost had me executed two weeks ago. The only way for me to maintain my value is to tell you only what you need to know in order to stay ahead of Sloane. And all you need to know now is that if I'm not allowed to leave, everything you've worked to accomplish will be lost." Syd's expression moves from sheer surprise to sheer annoyance by the end of Irina's speech.
Kommandant Kendall's Koop Of Kookiness. Syd's obviously requested a leave of absence for her mother. Kendall's all, uh, yeah, because THAT'S gonna happen. You wanna maybe tell me WHY? Syd and Kendall aren't alone; Jack's perched lightly on the corner of a desk, and Vaughn's parked nearby with his arms folded and his forehead furrowed. Syd's doing her best to convince Kendall to honor her mother's request. Syd's all, uh, can't tell ya why she wants to leave 'cause, uh, she won't tell me, dude. Kendall's all, gibberty-gibberty, something about Sloane and the codes. Syd's all, look, my mom's worried about something. Something we know nothing about. Vaughn gets his girlfriend's back and says something about Irina's intel being right one hundred percent of the time. Kendall looks over at Jack without saying anything. Syd blathers that the CIA didn't catch Irina; she turned herself in. And HOW does that help, exactly? She blithers something about how Irina's gamely agreed to a special forces escort and a tracking device. How nice of her. She's being awfully accommodating for A MURDERING SOCIOPATH. Kendall's totally not buying it. He turns to Spy Daddy. "Jack," he practically whispers. "You've been awfully quiet." Jack's all, yeah, well, when it comes to Irina, my judgment isn't exactly unimpaired, ya know. Kendall's all, yeah, no shit, shyster. But I'd still like to know what ya think. Jack kind of sighs and says, "Perhaps they're right. Perhaps releasing her is worth the risk to satisfy our curiosity." Kendall rolls his eyes heavenward and goes, "Well, hell, when you put it that way, the answer's definitely no! If Irina Derevko wants out of here, she's going to have to tell us more. Otherwise, you're to proceed as planned. Agent Vaughn will give you your counter-mission."