Alias
Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
If Music Be The Food Of Love

Syd is so NOT amused. "Are you telling me you can't deliver what you've promised us?" Sokolov's all, dude. Do you think I'd make you come all this way without a solution to the problem and a mighty fine tug on my poppy pipe? Syd and Dix are unwisely uninterested in the poppy pipe, but the solution intrigues them. Sokolov tells them that he's arranged for the colonel to be someplace tonight where they can get his prints. Dix is all, uh, and how'd you manage that, Frank Booth? Sokolov smirks. "I had him assassinated." He winks at them and takes another drag. Now it's Dixon who is NOT amused.

Oh, for god's sake. How hard would it have been for the damn briefcase to have been a simple cash exchange? I mean, really. Would it have killed the writers to come up with a scene involving Syd and Dix picking up a suitcase and handing over a box o' cash? I realize this is a two-parter but, like, do they have to fill every last second with outrageous storylines as an excuse to create action sequences that last no more than thirty seconds and do nothing to further the overall arc of the show? I'm just askin'.

So anyway, here's where we embark upon something I've come to call "The Truly Useless Scene That Has No Purpose Other Than To Show, Yet Again, How Much Ass Sydney Can Kick." Seriously. This entire scene is totally fucking stupid. I'll do my best to give you a general rundown as much as I can, but I'm not promising that I won't yell "THE HELL?" at the top of my lungs after every other sentence.

Dix and Sokolov enter what looks like an army installation. They're pushing a gurney with a body bag on it. They both say something to the attending guards in some language I can't be bothered to identify. Okay. I'm not a racist, people. I'm just not. I grew up with a borderline racist father, and my liberal ass managed to turn him from a "there goes the neighborhood" bitch-and-moaner to an avowed "there's no reason in this world not to treat everyone as equals" podium-thumper. That being said -- Dixon? Posing as an Uzbekistan soldier? Dudes. That SO wouldn't fly. I'm honestly not sure if there are any minorities within the borders of Uzbekistan, but even if there are, I'm pretty damn sure they wouldn't be serving in any type of armed forces. You think WE'RE still backwards as a racially-aware society? Take a trip down Uzbekistan Lane some day, my friends. You can learn WORLDS about a place in the CIA World Factbook.

Anyway, Dixon leans over and unzips the body bag. It's Syd, done up like she's been shot in the head. One guard takes Dead Syd away as Dixon gets the other guard to sign a paper. Before he leaves, Dix slaps something onto the top of a computer that's sitting on the desk. Dix and Sokolov leave, and once outside, they jump into a military truck and drive off. Where'd they get all the military stuff? Wasn't this whole "colonel" thing a snag in the plan? Did Sokolov come prepared with all this shit? For an opium addict, he sure does think clearly.

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Alias

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