Alias
Passage, Part I

Episode Report Card
Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
If Music Be The Food Of Love

Dixon parks the truck in some alley somewhere, and both he and Sokolov climb into the back of the truck. Dix fires up his laptop, and Sokolov asks if he's in yet. Dix is all, uh, yeah, dude. I'm totally in. BECAUSE UZBEKISTAN SPY CHIPS ARE TOP QUALITY. I'm thinking that, because that piece of shit chip you gave me is what we're using to tap into the computer system, that answer would be a NO.

Inside the morgue, Guard Number One diddles and dawdles around, attempting to make us tense with the knowledge that Dead Syd's in that body bag without any air. It's not working. Primarily because it's only fifteen minutes into the damn episode so, like, we know she's not going to "die" yet. Finally, Guard Number One leaves, and Syd bursts out of the body bag, dramatically gasping for air. Syd tells Dix that she's in, and he says that he's in too. Glad they're both in. Dix asks Sokolov what the name of the colonel is. Sokolov tells him that it's "Vasili Kabilov." Dix locates the name in the computer and comes up with the ID tag. Syd starts scooting around the morgue in search of ID tag C16.

Back out at the guard's station, Guard Number One meanders up, only to be chastised by Guard Number Two for not bringing Dead Syd's paperwork out with him. Yes. We can understand them. Because, for some reason, their lines are translated. I'm curious as to why these lines are translated, but Dix and Sokolov's lines weren't. I mean, it takes just as much time to look up four lines on the Alta Vista translator as it does to look up six, ya know? As long as you're plugging shit in, you might as well...oh, forget it. Moving on.

Guard Number One heads back to the morgue as Syd scrambles around in search of the dead colonel. "Tension" mounts as the guard slowly walks toward the morgue. "Tension" continues mounting and starts panting and wagging its tail as Syd finds the body of the colonel and whips out a special device that will read his fingerprint. "Tension" runs around in circles chasing its tail as Syd has trouble with the determinedly stiff hand and Guard Number One still slowly makes his way to the morgue. "Tension" rolls over with its feet in the air and begs you to rub its tummy as Syd breathes deeply and forcibly bends the dead man's hand back with a resounding CRACK!

"Tension" grabs the edge of a tea towel and starts shaking it back and forth while growling as Guard Number One enters the morgue and Syd scans the fingerprint. "Tension," after a hearty snack of Milk-Bones and some water, scampers up onto the sofa where it knows it's not allowed as Guard Number One realizes that Dead Syd is so NOT Dead Syd. He pulls his gun as Syd hides behind the freezer door and "Tension" starts howling along to a Dave Matthews video on VH-1.

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Alias

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