Passage, Part II

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admin: B- | Grade It Now!
National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation

That other agent -- the really hot bald agent who told Vaughn about that bomber dude who planted the bomb in Madagascar for Jack that Jack then blamed on Irina? That guy? -- comes up to Vaughn and hands him a Top Secret memo, inviting Vaughn to check it out. Vaughn duly does check it out; all we see is the excerpts reading, "NUCLEAR WEAPONS ACTIVATION" and "nukes are prepped." As Vaughn continues to stare real hard, Agent Baldy comments, "Nothing like more bad news, huh?" He leaves before Vaughn can admonish, "Nuclear weapons! NUCLEAR! Nu! CLE! Wait a second, I'm not finished yet: AR!" But he's thinking it, you can tell.

In the scrubby, dry brush of "India," the Bristows are enjoying a nice family nature hike. Sydney and Jack argue over whether the gun-toting dudes they just mowed down were a roving gang of toughs (like, what -- a subcontinental branch of the Bloods? Would-be drive-by shooters working for Far East Coast rappers?) or soldiers of the PRF. Irina agrees with Jack that they must have been PRF, purring, "We had one advantage: surprise. Now that's gone." "Just a second," Sydney huffs. Jack refuses to pull over, because Sydney just went at the last rest area and if she wouldn't drink so many Capri Suns they'd already be at Grandma's house by now, and Sydney is just going to have to learn to hold it. Sydney begs to stop, because this is the rest area with the penny press and she wants to press a penny with a picture of Strawberry Shortcake, but Jack says no, they really can't stop, because more patrols could be in the area. Sydney ignores him and sits down with a heavy sigh on a little knoll.

As she reaches down to pull up her pants leg, both Jack and Irina stop and turn back, asking what happened. Sydney tries to be a hero, saying she just scraped her leg. When the camera zooms in on her injury, I'm with her; it's not pretty, but it doesn't look that bad -- just a narrow, two-inch cut surrounded by a mildly angry contusion. But Jack and Irina practically break their necks to come to her aid, like, springing into action with much more ferocity than they showed when she got shot just a few hours earlier, never mind the time Irina was the one who shot her. Jack busts out some first aid gear, and Irina comes back with some conveniently nearby berries that conveniently possess the power to soothe skin. But Sydney shakes them off: "Seriously, I'm fine." "You're not fine," snaps Jack. "No, you're not fine," Irina immediately agrees. For a moment, both parents have their hands on Sydney's leg to apply the dressing. Sydney's eyes go all gooey with gratitude to see them working together at ministering to her, and regret that she missed out on seeing her parents this way most of her life.

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