Alias
Passage, Part II

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National Lampoon's Kashmiri Vacation

Jack uncovers the fourth grain bin; Irina slowly looks up, and Jack offers a hand to help her out. She's slightly mussed, but looks fine otherwise. She takes a few deep, gasping breaths. Sydney proffers a plastic bottle of water, from which Irina gulps a few sips. As she swallows, she looks around, and then demands, "What are we doing here? This is not the drop." She blinks in recognition and accusingly asks Jack, "The filter got clogged, didn't it?" Jack purses his lips and says nothing, because he doesn't want to admit that the filter did get clogged...by the beard. Irina bitterly chucks the water bottle back at Sydney. Jack starts unloading gear from one of the bins as Irina declares, "We're still ten miles away from the base. We need to hike to the field, where we'll access a sewage tunnel. That'll lead us into the facility." Sydney says she thought Irina said security was heavy. Irina says, "It is, on the other side of the facility. At the entry point we're using, the rebels rely on land mines to keep intruders away." Jack stops unloading the gear to spit, "We don't have the equipment to detect land mines." Irina fixes him with her glare to remind him, "We don't have the equipment because your contact didn't come through. I know where the mines are planted." Jack incredulously asks, "You want to walk through a mine field you haven't seen in nineteen years" Sydney interrupts to ask, "Is there another way?" Jack finishes, "--and assume no new mines have been planted?" Irina drawls, "I just spent five hours in a grain bin. It's my turn now." Sydney gazes serenely up at Jack like, "You had your chance, buddy." "Let's get to it," Irina concludes. And now, Sydney will be able to see which of her parents really is the better spy. Whee!

Credits. And only eighteen paragraphs in. Golly.

Back in Los Angeles, Sark and Sloane are having a conference. Sark says he just spoke with Gerard Cuvee, leader of the PRF: "He's quite charming, really -- more like a banker than a rebel leader. But then, you're more of a money man, too, aren't you." Sloane morosely slumps into his office chair, scotch in hand, and grunts, "Is everything in place?" Sark says the nuclear cores will be activated at 1700 hours, and that once "it's done," they'll upload the results to the SD-6 server. Sloane's phone rings; a receptionist tells him someone's calling about Sloane's wife. Sloane tells the receptionist to record the call, and curtly tells Sark he needs some privacy. Sark ambles off.

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Alias

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