Regina: Look. I'm not saying I don't like the show anymore. I'm just saying I was slightly underwhelmed by this season.
Wendy Kroy: [silence]
Regina: So, what? You're not going to be talking to me during this entire episode?
Wendy Kroy: [silence]
Regina: Okay. Fine. Then I'm to drink all the vodka, smoke all the cigarettes, eat all the snacks, and you don't get to fondle Julio.
Wendy Kroy: [muttered under breath] You bitch.
Regina: I can see we're getting off to a lovely start. If you're not going to talk, make yourself useful and fire up the fountain filled with Stoli. There's no way in hell I'm starting this thing sober.

Previously on Alias: The show aired on Sundays; had lots of breaks in between; often made no sense; had great actors, fun plotlines, hot guys, and cool chicks; and Jack Bristow was not an evil Machiavellian control freak who had basically orchestrated his daughter's destiny from the moment she was born.

Or something like that.

In case you've forgotten, in the previous episodes, Jack handed Vaughn the key to his Warehouse of How to Forget Your Wife Duped You paraphernalia, and Vaughn paid it a visit. Katya, Irina's sister, showed up long enough to save Syd's ass and pretend to be a good guy. That'll be important here in a bit. Sark tortured Vaughn, who, thankfully, remained shirtless for much of the episode. And Nadia, Syd's sister, can channel Rambaldi. We know this because Syd repeats that entire storyline toward the end of the previouslys. God. It's only the previouslys and I'm already annoyed. Syd saves Nadia, and that's where we pick up.

Well, at least, that would be where we picked up if we weren't following a rather silent Sydney on her way into Oops Center. Syd passes a receptionist as the Techno Beats of Isn't That Black Eyeliner I See? thrum across the soundtrack. Syd drops a coffee container into a garbage can, and the receptionist buzzes her in. Once inside, Syd kind of touches her eye weirdly, probably to make sure the black eyeliner is still in place, then places a card in a reader as a red light scans her retinas. She gains entrance to another hall, drops something else in another garbage can, approaches another card reader, enters the card, and a little tube pops out. Syd places a plastic sleeve around it, sprays some Binaca Breath Disguiser into her mouth, puts her lips around the plastic sleeve and blows, thereby gaining entrance to Oops Center. Yeah. If you didn't already know this was Moronen disguised as Syd, that little trick with the Binaca blast should have clued you in.

So, of course, Moronen/Syd gets into Oops Center and starts leaving little bombs -- erm, "phones" -- in strategic places around the office. She drops one final phone onto the in tray on her desk and stalks off. Marshall passes, saying "hi," but Moronen/Syd doesn't respond because voice-disguising vocal chord chips are way out of the realm of reality, much as incredibly life-like facial masks are. This show involves some hilariously whacked-out technology, I know, but borrowing the masks from Mission: Impossible for the season finale? Weak, dudes. Weak.

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