The PMS Sparring Match comes to an official end when Michael "Who's Your Daddy Now" Vaughn shouts out, "All right, ENOUGH." Okay. I get that Syd and Mrs. Elephant don't dig each other's chili right about now. GET IT. But this scene just puts both the characters in a bad light. Syd comes off as unprofessional and winds up resembling a harpy with a good boob job, and Mrs. Elephant just ends up appearing officious and overly procedural, as well as a kind of British version of Hillary Clinton.
Captain Forehead blah blahs something about how capturing Sark, while putting a smile on his face, won't bring an end to the Covenant. Syd and Mrs. Elephant look properly chastised. Dix closes the meeting by telling Weiss and Syd that they're leaving for Mexico City in an hour. The group scatters, and Mrs. Elephant snits and swivels her shapely little butt down one of the hallways. Captain Forehead follows. She's all, "I HATE HER!" Oh, THAT'S mature. I'm surprised she didn't follow it up with, "She ate all my Froot Loops and then took my prize! She's such a meany!" I mean, what, she couldn't say something like, "Your ex-girlfriend's an irrational and unprofessional brat and I'd appreciate, in the future, not having to be the victim of her venomous tirades. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a donut in the cafeteria that has my name on it. No, we will NOT discuss this here. We'll discuss it at home, in bed, where ALL arguments about ex-girlfriends should be taken. Good day, sir." That, at least, would be less annoying than, "I hate her!"
So Vaughn just says something about how Syd's been through a lot. Mrs. Elephant's all, I STILL HAVE THE WORST ACCENT EVER. Vaughn's all, yeah, yeah you do. What is that? An Aussie-Brit blend or something? Mrs. Elephant's all, well, kind of, but my dad's a Virginia senator, so, you know, it's anyone's guess at this point. Vaughn's all, oh, well, screw it. I'll just make out with you, right here in the hallway. That oughta shut you up and make you forget all about that big bad Spy Barbie. Vaughn shoves his lips up against his wife's and, sure enough, she just beams at him as if the last five minutes never happened. Man. I could really use a kiss like that. Preferably one that could make it seem as if this whole EPISODE never happened.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in Oops Center, Syd's practically stomping through the halls. She runs into Spy Daddy, who asks her how the first briefing with Mrs. Elephant went. Syd's all, it was great! We shared recipes and hair tips and old "Did Michael ever tie YOU up and spread you with warm honey?" stories. I loved it! Jack's all, spare me the emotional recap, Gidget; I wanna know if Mrs. Elephant was outwardly hostile toward you. Syd's all, you bet your sweet ASS she was. But of course, I was pretty snitty toward her, so, you know, all's fair in love and war, right? Jack pulls Syd over into what was formerly known as the Clandestine Corner of Secret Spy Kisses, and yeah, before you can say it, that's a wee bit "ew!" for my tastes. But I try to ignore it. Jack tells Syd that the NSC is running their own investigation into the Lazarey death. Syd's all, dude! You think they know it was me that killed him? Jack's all, no dude. Chill. But don't chill for long, right? Because the NSC got their hands on a video of the murder, and Mrs. Elephant's in charge of the investigation. Syd's all, dude. How long do you think we can hold off the truth? We should just come clean. Jack's all, oh. Okay. If you want to be subjected to a bunch of tests and procedures that'll recover your memory, fine. Be my guest. Tell the truth. Syd's all, okay, bring it on! Or did you forget that I actually WANT to regain my memories? Jack's all, yeah, but, see, it's not like they hypnotize you or anything, right? They go in and pick your brain. No, literally, dude. Pick at it. With little pickaxes or something. Anyway, you could get permanent brain damage. "That is NOT happening to you," grits Jack, in that Super Spy Daddy way he has. "Not while I'm alive." Once again, Sydney almost cries. Jack tells her to focus and do her job. He goes on to order her to go to Mexico City, and he'll stick around and try to fuck up Mrs. Elephant's investigation in as many ways as possible. Aw. He's such a nice daddy.