Episode Report Card
Erin: D+ | Grade It Now!
Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.

Ovary Electric, Part Deux. Syd and Sean are, um, making pizza dough? I dunno. Syd's all, we know Sark was looking at a satellite photo that involved the Kremlin. We don't know why. NO, WE DON'T. Sean's all, yeah, but we know it has something to do with Medusa, right? Syd's all, when I was at SD-6, I conveniently think I remember Sloane mentioning something about a Project Medusa. Sean's all, are you high? Do you remember what it means? What it's about? Syd's all, no. All I remember is the myth. "A woman so ugly that, if you looked at her, you turned to stone." Oh. Okay, Syd. Try NOT to point your finger so clearly at Mrs. Elephant, okay? Agent Sean's SO onto Syd, though. "Sounds like the myth of my college girlfriend," he says. "She actually dumped me for a roadie at a Duran Duran concert. How embarrassing is that?" Okay. OKAY. Shout-out? Oh, yeah. I think very much so. Agent Sean then asks for the oregano. Syd acts all mopey when going for the oregano. Because, even though Sean's Duran Duran roadie story didn't involve Vaughn, Mrs. Vaughn, or Dead Spy Barbie, Syd, of course, must turn everything into being all about her AND START DROPPING THE SOB BOMBS. God. "Come on, Syd," says Sean, trying to cheer her up. "Don't do that. You weren't dumped. You were dead." Actually, that's not really much of a cheering up job, is it? Syd, feeling that, in circumstances such as these, it's best to rip open an already gaping wound, grab some nice crumbly sea salt, and just dump that whole canister right in there and rub it all in, goes, "I haven't even asked anyone how they met." The Exposition Fairy shows up, her wings looking rather ragged. "I'll tell ya how they met," she spits. "NO ONE GIVES A SHIT THAT'S HOW THEY MET. Whadda YOU care, anyway, Barbie? Now…where are those beer nuts I requested?"

Bling! Vaughn and Mrs. Elephant met when Mrs. Elephant deposed Vaughn about Spy Mommy. Bling. Their wedding was real purdy and held on a farm in Virginia. Bliiiiiiing. Mrs. Elephant is the daughter of Senator Reed. Bleah-ing. Mrs. Elephant's real nice for a bad-accent-having green-eyed monster. Blaaaah-ing. "God. Could you MAKE this job anymore boring?" says the Exposition Fairy, chomping on some cheddar breadsticks. Well, we could, Ms. Fairy, but we'd have to bring Mrs. Elephant back in here to join the scene, and I don't really want to resort to that.

I have so many problems with this scene, I just really can't get into it right now or we'll be here all night. But suffice it to say, how much I like and care about both Greg Grunberg and Jennifer Garner as actors and all-around nice folks cannot and does not erase the fact that these two talented people are being directed like stick figures and being forced to deliver lines like, "Was everyone there? Dixon, Marshall --" while looking morose and fatalistic. WE GET IT. Syd still loves Vaughn. Vaughn's married. WE GET IT. No, really, WE DO.

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