Second Double

Episode Report Card
Erin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Double Your Francie, Double Your Fun

Wendy Kroy: I love them too. And the Bee Gees do rule.
Rona: They do not. Abba rules.
Regina: Actually, I think Abba might trump the Gees.
Wendy Kroy: How can you say that? Bee Gees. Satin pants. NO UNDERWEAR.
Regina: Ew, dude.
Rona: I think I have to second that "ew." And you are NEVER sleeping with me again.
Wendy Kroy: Oh, like THAT'S some sort of threat.
Rona: Bitch.
Wendy Kroy: Slag.
Regina: What are you, the Olsen Twins? Shut the fuck up. The show's almost over.

Café of Confrontations. Jack's sitting at an outdoor table, sucking on a glass of vodka. I'd assume that it's water, but there's only a quarter of it in the glass and there's no ice, so let's go with the vodka. The waitress comes up, hands him the bill, Jack drops some cash on the bill, and she thanks him. By name. Then he thanks her. By name. Okay, when did Jack start being friendly with servers? Is he DRUNK? Maybe it's because he's drinking vodka today instead of scotch. My ex-boyfriend Ruprecht got really fucking mean on scotch, but vodka? A total kitty-cat.

Anyway, someone walks up behind Jack and sits down on the other side of the table. We don't initially see who it is, but judging by Jack's expression, it ain't a five-hundred-dollar-an-hour hooker with huge hooters. It's Sloane. Looking smarmy and self-satisfied as always. Sloane's all, hey, Jack! What up? Jack's all, huh. That's weird. You don't seem to be afraid for your life. Can I assume, then, that I'm the crosshairs of a sniper rifle at the moment? Sloane's all, two, actually. Good guess, though.

"I've missed your poker face," says Satan Sloane. Hee. Then he says he forgives Jack. Jack's all, uh, I beg your pardon? YOU forgive ME? I don't THINK so. Sloane's all, so, tell me -- when, exactly, did our friendship go sour? Jack's all, the minute you recruited my daughter against my wishes. Sloane's all, yeah, I thought that might have been it. If I had known that my decision back then would have cost us our friendship and my relationship with Sydney, I would have, you know, done things differently.

Jack's all, oh go back to the mountain, Mr. Mojo Rising. No one's interested in anything you're selling. Sloane's all, hey, I'm here to make you an offer. Jack gets this hilarious expression on his face that's like, "Oh. An offer? What, a time share in the Poconos? God, you're short." Then he asks Sloane, rather facetiously, what the offer is. Sloane wants to renew their partnership. Jack wants Sloane to go blow himself.

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