Alias
So It Begins

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D+ | 1 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Been Around The World (tm Lisa Stansfield)

Cut to Memphis, Egypt. Sydney's VO (I'm just stealing Sars's technique and calling it SVO from now on) tells us that she knows she's been with the CIA only a short time, but the key to taking SD-6 out is to eliminate their source of arms, and that Hassan is the dude to watch. We get some fast-motion footage of Egypt and a hallway filled with Egyptians.

Sydney and Dixon sit at a table with Hassan and his Expendable Henchman. He starts showing them guns, then introduces the latest model, a sleek little handgun, named after Hassan's son. Aw, how sweet! In a freaky, horrible way. Unfortunately, every time he loads a clip, it falls out. Bwah! He and the Expendable Henchman start fighting about the shoddy gun quality and Hassan shoots him. Sydney says something in Arabic or an Egyptian dialect that serves absolutely zero purpose, except to prove that she has a frequent-buyer card at her local Berlitz, since everyone ignores her. Hassan turns and apologizes to Sydney and Dixon for the incident. He has a little smear of blood on his cheek, which somehow makes this scene super-creepy.

Home Of The Jarring, Pointless Cuts. Sydney tells Vaughn that that was six months ago, and that "I have friends from the Middle East. Hassan's not one of them." Excuse me as I regress and say no shit, Sherlock. Whuh? Why would she specify that Hassan's not her friend? God. If only I hadn't just insured it, I would bang my head against the computer. Vaughn tries to stop her and tell her that her work at SD-6 has to be business as usual, but Sydney's all fired up and starts telling him about other branches of SD-6. Sydney gets frustrated and says, "I'm giving you the plan." Vaughn tells her, "It's not your job to give me the plan. I'm giving you the plan." He starts telling her the details of how they'll contact one another, and Jennifer Garner puts on a look of concentration that's as phony as a three-dollar bill. It looks like a Baywatch look of concentration -- you know, look like you're thinking, but don't deflate your Botox injection.

The contact plan involves phone messages, trashcans, and dropping off paper bags with her reports written on them. Vaughn asks her if there are any questions. Sydney puts on her sassy pants and tells him, "Yeah, could you show me what a bag looks like again?" Then she tells him that she knows what his job is, which is to establish procedure, but she's not here to learn Langley procedure; she's in this mission for two months only, and if the CIA wants to bring down SD-6, they have to listen to her, because she knows what the plan is, and then she's out of this spy-game crap. Out of it, do you hear her? DO YOU HEAR HER? As God is her witness, she'll never go spying again!

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Alias

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