Alias
So It Begins

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D+ | 1 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Been Around The World (tm Lisa Stansfield)

Jennifer Garner does the worst acting job I've seen from her thus far, and that includes on Time of Your Life and Dude, Where's My Car? which I ONLY saw because Ashton Kutcher is, like, nuclear-reactor hot. I'm not made of stone, people! She says, "When Danny was killed..." and then she squeaks. She actually makes a little fake squeaky noise. It's almost like a Carol Burnett parody of a bad actress trying to play a dramatic role. Maybe we're not in on the joke? Anyways, she says, "Dad, did you know? Did you know that's what they were going to do?" He admits it. She slaps him. Then she wrinkles up her face and says, "Don't you ever speak to me, again!" Oy, vey. Jennifer Garner is one sad platypus (tm Keckler)! Also, how the hell does she plan on working with him to bring down SD-6 if she just told him to never speak to her again, hmm? Once again: script + holes = doily or origami, not a believable plot. She stalks out. Spy Daddy looks sad.

Sydney sits in a mall, and I think it's the Beverly Center, but I'm not sure, and scrawls down ALL THE INFORMATION WE JUST HEARD in the spy meeting on a brown paper bag. Document retrieval, Dixon will imitate Nabor, Sydney will steal money to buy documents instead. Umm, so, couldn't we have skipped most of that meeting (except for the Marshall parts, of course) and just seen this and chopped about two minutes off this show? Arrgh. She makes the phone call and does the drop.

Sydney's Apartment Of Constant Reminders Of Her Lost Love. She puts up a picture of herself and Danny. Just then "Joey's Pizza," Vaughn's dummy name, calls. She says, "Wrong number."

Cut to a local corner store. Sydney is wearing a cute brown cardigan. Me likey! She walks over to the drinks, where Vaughn is looking at boxes. Oooh, Clearly Canadian! She picks up a bottle of V-8 Splash, otherwise known as Bottled Barf, instead.

Sydney complains how tough it is working with friends who have no idea who they're REALLY working for. Vaughn tells her that Nabor is attempting to purchase nukes, and that her counter-assignment is to carry out her SD-6 assignment, and when she returns, to make sure she's holding the files. They'll...oh, God, what's the POINT, since we're about to see what she's supposed to do in about ten minutes anyway? Anyways, Vaughn tells her some more spy crap and offers her a slushie and she refuses. What does Sydney have against delicious beverages? I'd take a slushie in a New York minute from anyone, let alone a cute boy. She snips at him, "No thanks. I said I was cold." Jennifer Garner looks like she might be falling victim to Angelina Jolie/Jessica Alba disease, where she mistakes lip-pursing for acting. Someone inoculate her, stat! Vaughn wishes her good luck. They part ways.

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Alias

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