Alias
So It Begins

Episode Report Card
Manimal: D+ | 1 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
Been Around The World (tm Lisa Stansfield)

Sad Sack Sidekick Will at his newspaper office. I'm betting the LA Times wouldn't let them use their name. HA! Anyways, an extremely pretty girl, who looks vaguely Latina, comes up and asks straight out why SSSWill won't go out with her. He explains that it's because she's nineteen (apparently she just turned twenty) and he's ancient, and to look at his eyes, they're bright red. She leans forward, gazes into them, and murmurs that they don't look so bad. Okay, she's about a thousand times too attractive for SSSWill. He is annoying. And before I get any hate mail from SSSWill's fourth cousin twice removed about how he's a really good person, let me say that I have zero complaints with the actor playing SSSWill; I just hate the character. Hate him. He's annoying. Cute Girl, get away from him! Also, no way in hell Cute Girl is twenty. She's at least a few years older. She's too self-possessed. He asks her to pull Daniel Hecht's file. As she walks away, she says, "You don't take me seriously, do you?" SSSWill says, "No, I don't."

Also, snaps for actually casting people of color in the show, but you know what? Last time I checked, LA was filled with thousands of other races, not just African-American and Caucasian. Can we see some, please? Thank you.

The Magical Font Of Travel appears and says, "Moscow," with the highlighted "S" we saw in the beginning of the show. Jesus, where were these titles last week? Sydney, wearing a long blonde wig and a black headband that makes her look like a refugee from a Swiss Miss chocolate box, asks Dixon if he copies. Dixon mutters, "Wow, that was loud." Is Dixon's headset trouble going to be a running joke? Wow, because that's SO FUNNY! Sydney mentally eye-rolls and tells him he asked Marshall to make it louder. She looks pretty cute as a blonde.

The Taut Tensity Of Techno plays as Sydney reveals a maid's uniform and knocks on a door. She answers the occupant's query in Russian. I'm sorry, but Sydney, while looking very pretty in her blonde wig, looks about as Russian as I would wearing that wig, and I'm Korean. Sydney fluffs, folds, and hospital-corners. The bodyguard wanders out of the room. Shower noises go on in the background. She switches her ring to the inside and pops the top, revealing the knockout drop. She goes out to tell the bodyguard she's done, and shakes his hand. Umm, excuse me -- I've never, ever had a maid shake my hand when she's done cleaning the room. Why would they? They usually come by when you're gone, don't they? So, the bodyguard is knocked out right away.

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Alias

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