Alias
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Episode Report Card
Erin: B- | 1 USERS: B
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Dude Looks Like A Lady -- A Ho-Type Lady

So, Rachel and her bad ho self get up on the oil rig. We pause before heading to her assignment so that we can flash back to Rachel getting ready for her ho gig. She tells Syd that it's a mistake and that she's never done anything like this. Syd says she's playing a character. "Who was the sluttiest girl in your high school?" "Mandy Camarillo," says Rachel without even pausing. Heh. "You didn't have to think very hard on that one," quips Syd. Rachel says that Mandy was a tramp who stole Rachel's prom date. Syd tells Rachel to act like she's Mandy Camarillo and Vak is her prom date. Rachel still looks nervous, so Syd tells her that she'll be on comms the whole time. "The way Vaughn was for me," she says. I think equating Syd to Vaughn is totally the writers setting up the foundation for some serious HoYay in future episodes, jilting prom date or no. Rachel finally states that she can do this and Syd says she absolutely can.

We return to the present and Rachel on ho assignment. A guard leads Rachel to Vak's chambers, and another guard unlocks the door and lets her in. Rachel heads to Vak's bedroom and opens the door. Vak's inside, and he's totally nasty. Rachel plays her part well and they banter back and forth about speaking English. "I am Janos," he says, kissing her hand. "Ray-- Mandy," flubs Rachel. Syd rolls her eyes so far up into her skull, she can see her cerebral cortex. "Raymandy," says Janos. "Beautiful name." Heh. Vak tries to get Rachel to come over to the bed, but she nervously says she's just fine over by the computer. Syd gets on comms and tells Rachel to think about what Mandy would do. "Do you know how to make daiquiris?" Rachel asks. Whuh? Vak says he has champagne and Rachel's like, THAT WILL BE FINE THANK YOU. Heh. She's really not good at this.

Case in point: she goes to get the lipstick out of her purse and discovers that she's dropped it. She states as much out loud so that Vak hears her and thinks she's talking to him. He says her lips are perfect the way they are and he slimes over to plant one on her. Syd hisses at Rachel not to let him kiss her; to be the one who's in charge. So, instead of letting Vak kiss her, Rachel smacks him across the face. Hee. Instead of getting angry, Vak recovers and slimes, "Has baby been bad?" Oh, ew. So he doesn't have a pregnant lady fetish, but he's into punishment. Guh. "Oh, this is gonna be too easy, Rachel," says Syd. Hee.

After the break, Peyton shows up on the oil rig wearing nothing but a scuba suit/spy outfit. So, no messy disguises for her, I guess. She shoots the first guy she sees and heads after Vak. Yeah, why bother with disguises or tranquilizer lipsticks when you can just shoot the shit out of everyone? Back with Raymandy and Vak, he's tied up to the bed and telling Rachel that she's driving him crazy, but in the good way. "Did I say you could talk?" she purrs. Then she crawls up his body and says, "I'm gonna be honest with you. This whole 'baby talk' thing kind of creeps me out, so I'm just gonna cut to the chase." She slaps some duct tape on his mouth and goes, "I gotta go!" Hee. She goes over to the computer and downloads the program.

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Alias

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