Episode Report Card
Erin: C- | Grade It Now!
Sharon! This episode sucked!

We're then with Sark, looking far too tasty for his own good, and Brother Sanko as they exit an elevator. Spy Daddy informs us via voice-over that Sark was led downstairs, where he then used his thumbprint to access an executive vault. After Sark inputs his thumbprint, the door opens. Spy Daddy's voice-over states that inside the vault was over $800 million in gold bullion. And we see it there, in all its gold bullion glory. "More surprising is the fact that Sark had no idea that he was entitled to that money," voice-overs Jack. Sark, coming upon the gold bullion, just looks…nonplussed.

"Entitled?" asks Dix, back in the Oops Center. "Eight months ago," says Jack, "an interagency memorandum reported the murder of a Russian diplomat by the name of Andrean Lazarey." Syd shoots a glance at her dad that's like, dude? Ix-nay on the Azarey-lay! Oh, and Regina might have spelled that wrong in the last recap, but I guess it doesn't matter right now, right? Spy Daddy's all, his murderer has never been found. Nice eye-roll from Syd here. Spy Daddy goes on, however, that a source of his has indicated that Lazarey was a descendant of the Romanov royal family in Russia, and the money was in his royal trust when he died. "It went to Mr. Sark -- Lazarey's son," Jack says, looking pointedly at Syd. Syd looks pointedly back at her dad.

Before they can get into the details of Sark's background, however, Agent Sean arrives, along with Marshall, to inform them that they tracked the enemy sedan to a Frankfurt nightclub, notorious for trafficking top-of-the-line synthetic drugs. CIA analysis believes it's a front for the Covenant. Oh, okay. Speaking of top-of-the-line synthetic drugs, could you nab me that special daiquiri mix of "Valium + Nyquil + Crisco + Gummi Bears + Palmolive," Julio? Mommy hates this episode, and she needs something super-scary to get her through the last five minutes.

Dix is all, is that other German CIA dude still alive? Jack's all, yes, 'cuz he's a high-level official dude, and the information they could extract from him would be priceless to U.S. enemies. Sean flops over a folder with the picture of some random dude and says his name is Otto Edel. He's a drug dealer who runs the Frankfurt nightclub. "He'll know where our hostage is being held," says Sean.

Dix looks to Syd. "I want you to accompany the hostage rescue team." Marshall speaks up: "Actually, I had an idea. I think Syd should go in as a biochem major -- you know, Harvard dropout. Totally spoiled. You know, maybe she got kicked out because she was synthesizing ecstasy in her dorm room. Or maybe crystal crank --" Dix jumps in and tells Marshall to run the Op Tech. Everyone just walks off.

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