Alias
Succession

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Erin: C- | Grade It Now!
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Sharon! This episode sucked!

Syd and Sean get called into Oops Center as the Exposition Fairy helps herself to a beer and some stale pretzels. "God, I hate these cheap gigs," she snits through a mouth of salt and yeasty crumbs. "CAN'T YOU PEOPLE ORDER A PIZZA OR SOMETHING?! I mean, really. I didn't even WANT this job, you know! I was up for Junior Tooth Fairy last month. But, um, there might have been this problem with martinis and, uh, some time spent in the broom closet with one of the other Junior Tooth Fairy candidates…oh, fuck it. You guys got any beef jerky?"

Oops Center. The CIA's received a little love letter from the Covenant, and they're claiming responsibility for the kidnapping of the two German dudes. As some computerized voice explains the details of the kidnapping to the CIA in a voice-over, we see a rather creepy-looking scar-faced man in a white coat grab a bone saw and approach one of the kidnapped men, who's been tossed onto an operating table. The man on the table is squirming and freaking and so obviously NOT out cold. Oh, this can't be good.

We catch up with everyone in the Conference Room of Endless Expositions as the Covenant message comes to an end. They want the CIA to follow the coordinates that are included in the audio message, retrieve a package, and then follow the enclosed instructions. Yawn. The two German dudes were working undercover for the CIA. Jack informs the troops that the CIA believes the dudes were abducted by a group known as the Covenant. Yeah. We know. Like, we knew from the preview, dude. I mean, unless K-Directorate's making a comeback, anytime something bad happens to someone on this show from now on, you can bet the culprit is…dun dun DUN…the Covenant, okay?

Jack blathers something about the Covenant being a loose affiliation of Russian nationalists and ex-KGB, and it functions as a sort of Mafia crime family. Marshall skitters into the conversation and announces that the location provided by the coordinates is actually an adult film theater in Munich, and that the title that's now showing is Penile Code Part Deux. Heh. Of course, it actually takes Marshall about forty minutes just to spit that out, and it takes everyone at the table another ten minutes just to roll their eyes and suck every last bit of comedy out of it. Then we move on.

Dix doesn't like the idea of sending someone in alone to retrieve the package. Jack's all, oh, please. They're not gonna betray us at this stage of the game. And do you remember when you used to take orders from ME? That was kinda fun, wasn't it? Syd volunteers to go. Of course she does. Because, like, there aren't any OTHER agents in the whole damn CIA? Dix requests that Syd stay behind; after everyone leaves, he proceeds to tell her that, while he's allowing her to go, she's not the only CIA operative who's lost time. The what? In the who? He goes on to tell her that a group gathers to discuss this whole "lost time" thing, and that he thinks she should attend the meeting. What, there are MEETINGS for shit like this? I lose time all the time too, but I just chalk it up to vodka and a lack of interest in my surroundings, and I don't see any meetings being set up in MY honor or anything.

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Alias

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