Alias
Succession

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Erin: C- | Grade It Now!
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Sharon! This episode sucked!

Munich Masturbation Multiplex. Syd enters as we hear bad German dubbing of a porn film. Ah, porn. I love it so. Even in German. Hey, Ethan? Could you do a little German-language study before we hit the sack tonight? I'm kind of digging the whole "oof, och, ich, ich wünsche zum Du Arschloch" thing that's going on here. Syd informs Weiss that she's on location. And could he bring her some lube and some batteries? Syd quickly locates the package and dons some rubber gloves. Hee. There's a nice moment as Syd sees what's on the screen, registers her disgust and discomfort, and quickly turns back to the task at hand. Heh.

Syd bends down in the aisle. Ew. The German porn house gives a whole new meaning to sticky floors. Syd finds a box and sweeps it for explosives. It's clean. She proceeds to open it up, finding bubble wrap and…blood. Syd pulls back the bubble wrap and, instead of popping every last one of the bubbles into her headpiece in an effort to create fun where there is none, she informs the troops that one of the German agents lost his head. And now it's in the box. There's a piece of paper in his mouth. Syd removes it and realizes that it's the Covenant's list of demands.

Conference Room of Endless Expositions. A couple minutes later, or, like, next week or something, we're hanging with the gang as Dix reminds them that, even though Klein-in-a-Box is dead, his partner's still alive and kicking and probably beaten to a bloody pulp, so it's the CIA's job to bring him home. Dix then passes the ball over to Head, who happens to be heading up this operation. No pun intended. Really.

Turns out, the Covenant's being all agreeable and shit, and they're willing to trade the CIA dude for one Mr. Sark. Head's all, so, like, we're okay with that. Syd's all, you what? In the what what? You can't just let Sark go. Head's all, oh, but I can. Syd's all, we don't even know why they want him. Head's all, oh, but we do. They wanna kill him. See, 'cuz Sloane said that Sark said that he killed one of the Covenant dude's brothers a while back.

Swiss. Cheese. People. Remember what I said in the recaplet? Yeah. I'd rather be watching Swiss cheese mold in my fridge right about now. And honestly, it'd probably have less holes than this plot does, or so my friend Jillian informed me over IM a few minutes ago.

So, right, anyway, Syd's like, okay, fine, um, do you think we should really be taking Sloane's intel at face value? Head's all, well, I'm sure you have a problem with Sloane, given your history, but if Dix trusts him, well, then -- Dix pipes up, "For the record, I don't. I never will." Hee. But Dix goes on to say that, even though he doesn't trust Sloane as far as he can throw him through a triple-layered brick wall, Sloane has provided the CIA with some alarmingly accurate intel as of late. Jack visibly rolls his eyes at this. It's Syd's turn to roll her eyes when Dix announces that he's authorizing the trade. He goes on to say that Syd and Weiss will escort Sark to Mexico, and that they're leaving in four hours. Head gets up and passes by Sydney. "Welcome back," he not-so-subtly snarks on his way out. Jesus. What a douchebag. Jack and Syd seem to agree with me, because the absolutely terrifying look of death they shoot at Head's back is utterly priceless.

After the meeting, Syd and Jack are walking through Oops Center, discussing Head and how he's got the White House spin machine at the ready to cover his ass if this hostage situation goes awry. "He's nearly untouchable," says Jack. "I'd love to prove that wrong," snits Syd. "You've come close, what with you forcing his hand with my release," responds Jack, fairly bursting with pride. Oh, okay, so the bursting-with-pride thing I made up. So what?

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Alias

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