Alias
The Box, Part I

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Erin: C+ | Grade It Now!
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The Box, Part I

Luckily, Marshall finally notices the camera light and clues Dixon in on it. Meanwhile, Sydney flips herself out of the airshaft, making even more noise, and Braidy FLC is all over it. He doesn't see anything through Marshall's apparently opaque blinds, and Dixon takes this opportunity to fake an epileptic fit. Braidy runs back over to see whassup. Sydney drops down, picks up the compact, and pulls herself back up into the airshaft as Braidy kicks Dixon in the gut. So much for first aid training.

Braidy, who by now is totally reminding me of Little Steven Van Zandt what with his whole kerchief-on-the-head thing, returns to Marshall's office to check out the noise he heard. Marshall, in an effort to delay Braidy's exit, stands up and says, in his endearingly geeky manner, that he's developing a sort of Stockholm Syndrome thing for his captors. Hee. Braidy's having none of it and just smacks him a good one on the noggin with the butt of his gun. Aw, poor Marshall. Wounds heal, my friend, but Stockholm Syndrome is forever.

Little Room Of Irritating Quentin Tarantino Scenery-Chewing. Shovelhead goes on and on about some restaurant in Louisiana where the hot sauce makes people cry. Sloane is so bored that he breaks free of his straps and actually inserts the needles into his eyeballs just to KILL THE PAIN. Seriously, dudes. This dialogue is pure Tarantino -- not terribly amusing, goes on too long, and does nothing but WASTE MY TIME. Apparently, "The Needles of Fire" contain some sort of concentrated peppers or something. But worse. Right. Got it. "The Needles of Fire" are mighty painful. Next.

It's after the commercial break, and we're back in the hell that is known as Quentin Tarantino's scene-stealing. He's ripping off duct tape, he's taping Sloane's hand backward, he's reaching for the needle, he's poking Sloane's hand. Can we move on now? I see that we can. Sloane tells Shovelhead to get a pen. Looks like Sloane's giving up the codes.

Yet another establishing shot of the city at night. Will-age Idiot's back at his desk. Daughter McNeil enters and says she knows that he doesn't want to talk to her. He wants to, boy does he WANT to, whocka whocka -- he just doesn't think that they should. Daughter McNeil informs him that she doesn't exactly know everything about her father; she doesn't know what SD-6 is, and she doesn't know why they destroyed her life. What she does know is that they killed her mother and framed her father and she and Will-age Idiot have an obligation to stop them. Will's all, but I don't want you to get hurt. Daughter McNeil's all, my godfather has a place I can hide, so quit yer bitchin' and help my dad already! Will-age finally sucks it up and pulls the manila envelope out of the garbage. What's inside? Why, some sort of key, of course. And thus ends this week's tedious episode of Will Is A Monkey Wrench.

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Alias

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