Newspaper Of No Importance Whatsoever. Our favorite moronic newspaperman with no purpose is hanging out, doing little or no work, as usual. And here's where I unveil the new official nickname of Will The Doofus: Will-age Idiot. Yes, the decision was difficult to make. I spent hours and hours poring over the excellent suggestions from the posters. Yeah, okay, so it was more like twenty minutes or something. So, anyway, it actually came down to "Won't" and "Will-age Idiot," and since "Won't" was my suggestion and I'd made a big deal about writing a whole paragraph about the winning contributor, I didn't really feel that it was appropriate to get all self-congratulatory and write a whole paragraph about me because, you know, who the hell cares about me? And "Will-age Idiot" had Sars and me giggling like errant schoolgirls, so I decided to award Souris with the honor of two seconds of fame. She deserves it. Seriously, "Will-age Idiot" makes me snicker even now. Congratulations to Souris for her brilliant nicknaming work. And thanks to y'all for playing. Keep an eye out for other suggested nicknames in recaps to come. (Note: I still really like "Won't," though, so I may just switch between the two. No, it's not cheating. I'm the recapper. My word is God.)
Right. Back to the recap currently in progress.
Will-age Idiot is kickin' it old-school -- but, you know, not. He's wearing his lame-ass headphones and has his lame-ass feet up on the desk. What a tool. Sit up and actually do some work, you bad-hair-having dipshit. His partner in statutory rape, Jennie, comes up and tosses a file containing the appeal filed by McNeil's lawyer last year (remember him? The Ken Olin character?) and then tells Will-age Idiot that she found out that "SD-6" is an ingredient in artificial sweeteners. Will-age then asks her if his voice is annoying. "YES!" she screams. Turns out that Will-age was actually listening to the Eloise Kurtz interview on those lame-ass headphones of his, and he started thinking about his interview with McNeil and his lawyer, and he thinks that they all had the same look in their eyes -- namely, that they just wanted to get away from Will-age. I know how they feel. Jennie assures him that he's a journalist, and is therefore required to be annoying. Hee.
So Will-age is all, you're saying I'm annoying? Jennie's all, not to Danny or Eloise Kurtz. Will-age is all, oh, so I'm not annoying to dead people? No, Will, you're annoying TO EVERYONE. Even dead people. Jennie's all, you're their champion. Oh, whatever. This scene may be even more annoying than Will. Get back to The Fun-Lovin' Criminals, dammit! Nutshell? Will-age Idiot decides that he can't do the SD-6 story, because he doesn't want to put any more lives in jeopardy. Yawn.