Alias
The Counteragent

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Erin: B | Grade It Now!
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Who? What? Where? Whyeeeeee?

Syd gets rid of Foolio by telling her that the damn soup is perfect. Foolio leaves, and Syd fills in Will on her dad's involvement with Project Christmas. Syd's all, my dad developed Project Christmas, and it used standardized tests that asked specific questions to identify children the CIA could later recruit as agents. Will's all, uh, kids? Yes, Will. Kids are the preferred subjects for IQ tests, you moron. Syd's all, dude, the KGB sent my mom here to steal details about the program. But the CIA stopped the operation. Vaughn thinks Russian intelligence is still running the program in order to recruit Americans. Before Will can offer up a bon mot along the line of, "Huh? Really? Whuh?" Syd gets phone call from Kendall requesting her presence at Ops Center.

Ops Center Of Potentially Dying Love Interests. Syd enters and walks over to Kendall, asking whassup an' shit. Kendall tells her that Vaughn's developed symptoms of the virus. Syd basically freaks out, but without showing it too much. She's all, do we -- are we -- is it -- are you sure it's -- Spy Daddy enters, and Syd frantics over to him. She's all, where is he? What's he wearing? Do I have time to tell him how much I love him and how I'll never love another again if he dies? Jack's all, he came in to see your bitch of a mother and collapsed shortly thereafter. And no, I can guarantee you won't have time to tell him ANYTHING involving love, because that's just how cruel J.J. Abrams really is.

Syd goes to her mother, who's sitting on her bunk reading The Book Of Nothingness. Syd's all, is there an antidote? Mama Hari's all, yes, but it's in a former Soviet training base for nuclear submarine personnel in Paldinski. Syd's all, yeah, so? Big deal. Who's operating the base now? Mama Hari gets up and walks over to the glass. Seriously, how much of a bad-ass is Lena Olin? I mean, how in the HELL does she get her arms to look like that? As Mama Hari tells Syd about the location of the antidote and the chance that it won't even work for Vaughn, Syd's eyes well up with tears, and she bites her coral-frosted lips.

After meeting with her mother, Kendall, Spy Daddy, and Spy Barbie are all chatting with the resident fat geeky specialist about the antidote. Fat Geeky Specialist says, "This antidote sounds almost as dangerous as the infection." Turns out the serum is a blood derivative. "Meaning, you just can't get the medicine and inject it into the sick patient," continues Fat Geeky Specialist. "You need blood from the patient. In this case, Vaughn. The equipment that manufactures the serum reads the blood and creates a custom genetic-specific antidote for that particular patient." Wow. That sounds complicated. How much dope do these writers smoke on a regular basis? And how many of them are Dr. Who fans?

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Alias

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