[Ring ring.]
J.J. Abrams: Abrams.
Quentin Tarantino: Hey Jayz! Whassup an' shit?
J.J. Abrams: Who is this?
Quentin Tarantino: Ha ha. "Who is this?" Ha ha. Thass really funny, dog!
J.J. Abrams: Seriously. Who is this?
Quentin Tarantino: It's me, Jayz! Q!
J.J. Abrams: The gadget guy from the Bond films? Wow! This is soooo cool! You're one of my favorite characters! Wait. Aren't you dead?
Quentin Tarantino: No. I mean, yeah, that Q guy is dead. It's me! Your buddy-bud. Quentin!
J.J. Abrams: Quentin? I don't think I know any Quentin...
Quentin Tarantino: Dude. It's Quentin Tarantino! I just guest-starred on your show.
J.J. Abrams: Oh. Right. Um, I'm kind of busy right now...can someone get me a cappuccino that ISN'T made with whole milk?!
Quentin Tarantino: Well, this won't take long, my man. I just wanted to know when to show up to the set. I can't wait to see what you're gonna have me do next, Jayz!
J.J. Abrams: Uh.
Quentin Tarantino: I loved all that gunplay and ass-kickin' and that Syd chick is SMOKIN'. Seriously. When should I show up?
J.J. Abrams: Uh. How about never?
Quentin Tarantino: Ha! Ha ha! You're killin' me with your wack humor, my man! Seriously. Tomorrow? I can show up tomorrow.
J.J. Abrams: I'm sure you can, Quentin. Unfortunately, we don't have a role for you. So, uh, you know, take care --
Quentin Tarantino: Jayz! Come on!
J.J. Abrams: Don't call me "Jayz."
Quentin Tarantino: How 'bout "Jayzee"?
J.J. Abrams: Don't call me that either. In fact, just don't call me. Ever.
Quentin Tarantino: Homeboy! What's with the shove? Bring on the fruity-tootie goodness that is McKenas Cole, my man! I'm ready!
J.J. Abrams: Okay, A) McKenas Cole is no more and B) stop with the ghetto-speak, you moron.
Quentin Tarantino: Come on! You know you dig it the most, baby.

J.J. Abrams: No, I don't. And, actually, it's one of the reasons your sorry video-store ass is NOT coming back on this show.
Quentin Tarantino: Now yer just playin', nig--
J.J. Abrams: DON'T.
Quentin Tarantino: What?

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