Quentin Tarantino: Oh, man, come on! You know, the more you say a word, the less power you give it --
J.J. Abrams: God. You're such a jackass. Look. I'm only going to tell you this once, so pay attention, okay?
Quentin Tarantino: I'm on it, my man.
J.J. Abrams: You are NEVER coming back on this show again. I don't like you, the writers don't like you, even the craft services people think you're a dink. So just retreat back to your Malibu Barbie beach house and LEAVE US ALONE.
Quentin Tarantino: Jayz!
J.J. Abrams: What did I say?
Quentin Tarantino: Sorry.
J.J. Abrams: I'm serious, man. And if you don't stop sending those McKenas Cole dolls over here, I'm gonna get a restraining order, I swear to GOD.
Quentin Tarantino: But dude! I thought we had a bond! We're like brothers, man! Come on! Just one more ep! I got one more ep in me!
J.J. Abrams: Like I care. Knock it off, Quentin, or I'll sic Samuel L. Jackson all over your ass. And believe me, I'm now in a position to do so.
Quentin Tarantino: But Sammy loves me!
J.J. Abrams: Uh, not since Jackie Brown, my friend. Deal.
Quentin Tarantino: But...Jayz -- erm, I mean, J.J. -- please? Pretty please? I'm losing it over here. I don't have anything to do!
J.J. Abrams: That is SO not my problem.
Quentin Tarantino: [starting to cry] No one will hire me, dude! I need you! Your show was the first work I've had in forever! Please? I'm begging you, dude! BEGGING.
J.J. Abrams: I'm hanging up now.
Quentin Tarantino: Jayz? JAYZ? Oh, nooooo... [sobbing] MOMMMMMEEEEE!
Last week on Alias: We finally got rid of Quentin Tarantino, Spy Barbie and Agent Apathy managed to save the whole of SD-6 from destruction, Arvin lost a finger, and we were all treated to an extended amount of music from the Global Ovaries.
Let us begin.
Hong Kong. After some establishing shots of the city, which were most likely shot somewhere in downtown Los Angeles, we come upon an office building where gunshots are heard. A man in a suit scrambles out of the building, clutching a chest wound, as everyone outside the building starts running around in panic. The man with the wound sort of knocks into this guy with a cellphone, as a remarkably attractive young blond man with an enormous gun exits the building. The wounded man stops and turns, obviously ready to face his doom at the hands of this hot guy with the gun. Seriously. He looks kind of like Ewan McGregor. Yum. Ewan McGregor. Yummy yum.