The Shed

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: B-
"The Shed"? It's more like The Shit. And not in the good way.

Previously on Alias: I didn't want to give the show an F and then erase my memory with a hefty dose of PCP and a grain alcohol chaser. No, really. Okay, okay, there was a (sort of ) dead guy in a (fake) niridium-powered chamber and we all think it's Rambaldi and there was a hot French chick and then some new hot guy named Getty and I was so drunk by the end of the recap that I actually saw my liver leave my body, pack a bag, and call a taxi for the airport. I'm sorry. It was the only way to KILL THE PAIN.

Just FYI, the previouslys on this episode go as far back as Nadia getting infected and Sloane explaining to Jack that Nadia is infected, and in case you wondering, Nadia is infected and there is no cure but if there were one, Sloane would totally go get it, even if it meant ditching Dixon, and if you honestly thinking Mia Maestro is coming back, like, ever, I have some property in a lovely turd-infested bog at the end of Hellfire Lane I'm sure you'd be interested in purchasing.

Istanbul. I'd like to make a funny comment about that location, but I don't care enough to try. We're in a lab with some mice and a couple of scientists in bio-gear. Outside the lab, a woman dressed head-to-toe in black with a hood hiding her face walks up to the security door and buzzes in, telling the guard at the desk that she's there to see Ramal because their son is sick. The guard lets her in. She quickly shoots him dead and removes her hood as she walks toward the lab. The scientists are too busy pretending to give a shit about the fake compound they're working with to notice her hacking into the security lock on the door.

She enters and orders the scientists to get up against the wall. She steals a couple of vials, and one of the scientists tells her to be careful with the third. She just says she only needs two and then flings the vial into the air and exits before it hits the floor. She effectively locks the two scientists inside the lab with what I'm assuming is a rather dangerous bio-weapon. Well, now, that's not very nice, is it? After she exits, we're treated to a shot of the scientists, now dead and with masks full of blood. Pleasant.

Barbie Penthouse. Syd's going through the mail and she comes across an issue of Hockey Trends magazine with Vaughn's name and address on the front. For those of you collecting 47s, the ID number on the label is #4738273#. And since when did Michael start getting his mail delivered to Sydney's place? Last time I checked, they were dating and then engaged and then they were going to Santa Barbara and then "I'm not Michael Vaughn" and then WHAM! and how did he find time to forward his mail to the Barbie Penthouse? Bullshit: 1, Continuity: 0. Syd calls customer service at the magazine and there's this far too long scene of Sydney canceling the subscription and then she goes to throw it out and the SpyFetus is all, "Nooooo! Not Hockey Trends! I love that rag!" So Syd takes it out and puts it in drawer for safekeeping.

Apple Store. Marshall's yammering something about how a pen pal of his in Istanbul forwarded something about the lab break-in. The vials contained a nerve agent called "Substance 33." I don't think I'm being too harsh here when I say that the writers have definitely been slacking in the naming department. It started with The Covenant and has never quite gotten back on track. Prophet Five? Substance 33? The Shed? The fuck? Whatever. I don't care enough to get angry. Substance 33 is deadly (of course) and all Marshall knows about the lab techs is that they were working independently. Getty trills out a stream of information about Gordo Dean and how he's a ghost and everything, and for some reason, Syd, Jack, and Marshall all look amazed that Getty's managed to remember all of this intel, like, it's not like he's A SECRET AGENT OR ANYTHING. Getty has a nice "no bullshit" verbal delivery, by the way, that vaguely suggests a young Jack.

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