Alias
The Shed

Episode Report Card
Erin: F | 1 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
"The Shed"? It's more like The Shit. And not in the good way.

Marshall starts the trace and Syd offers the guy a mint. Marshall then asks Syd if this guy has two computers networked together just as the guy asks Syd if she's pregnant. "No," says Syd, answering Marshall. Cute Czech Guy is all, uh, no? Then what is that, indigestion? Syd says she's joking. She really is pregnant! Isn't that hilarious? HILARIOUS. Marshall tells Syd that someone's hacking into Cute Czech Guy's computer in order to steal the bandwidth, and the hacker could even be on a PDA or cell phone. Marshall says the signal just went dead, and Syd sees a blond woman leaving the café with a cell phone in her hand, and since it's Rachel "Boobs McPhee" Nichols, we know that she's the hacker.

Boobs McPhee walks over to her car and looks around suspiciously about seven times, like, NO ONE IS WATCHING YOU, Bad Spy O'Reilly! Boobs drives off in her adorable Mini Cooper (gimme gimme gimme) and Getty screeches after her. Getty and Boobs are competing for Worst Spy of the Month, because Getty's tailing techniques are about as subtle and finessed as a moose's attempts at making a loaf of rosemary olive ciabatta bread, and Boobs totally picks up on the fact that he's following her. A car chase ensues. Car chase car chase car chase. Screech, car, turn, screech, Mini Cooper, love, car chase, slam, cut off, gotcha. Getty cuts Boobs off on a side street and Boobs McPhee, she is captured.

And now we have to endure a little something I like to call Unnecessary Secondary Character Theatre.

Hotel Room of Irritation. Boobs McPhee is strapped to a chair in one room while Syd, Getty, and Marshall discuss business in another. Marshall's unable to get anything out of Boobs's bashed cell phone. Syd thinks that if Boobs fails to check in with her people, they'll disappear, something they can't afford if they're going to try and track down Gordo. I stopped paying attention around the opening credits, so I have no idea what's going on. Syd snarks on Getty for bad chase techniques and Getty just returns the snark with a quip and a smile. Heh. I kind of like him. He's more interesting than Boobs, at least. Syd decides that she's going to talk to Boobs again to see if she can at least get something out of her on Substance 33 or good push-up bras. She asks Marshall to rig a voice-stress analyzer. Marshall asks for ten minutes. Man, this is the most exciting show ever! Excuse me while I shove a lit match up my left nostril in an order to keep myself awake...

Omsk. Don't care. Sloane and Dix are waiting for Dolshenko. He's late. Dolshenko calls and bitches Sloane out for bringing Dix along. Dolshenko asks if he has the money. Dix pulls out the briefcase with the cash and shows it to Dolshenko, wherever he is. Dolshenko then tells Sloane to be at a different location by eight and be alone this time. Dix shakes his head. Sloane tries to tell Dix that his daughter is the only insurance Dix needs to ensure that Sloane's not going to try and escape. "What if it were your daughter, Marcus?" Sloane asks. Well, considering you blew up his wife, I'd say that Dixon probably would do just about anything to ensure his daughter's well-being. Dix finally hands Sloane the case and tells him to call when he's ready to be picked up. AND THEN HE GETS IN HIS CAR AND DRIVES AWAY. Did I just have a brain fart here? Have I missed something? Can't Dixon just get some high-powered rifle and watch the meet from a rooftop somewhere? Are the writers eating chain mail for breakfast? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO THIS SHOW?

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Alias

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