Alias
The Solution

Episode Report Card
Erin: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Solution! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Solution!

Spy Daddy's all, dude, I used that info to free my kid from a veritable witch hunt, okay? You need to get surveillance on The Weasel like NOW. Devlin's all, bring it down a notch, Geronimo. I hear what yer sayin' and I'll respond accordingly, 'kay? In the meantime, STOP TELLING ME HOW TO DO MY BLOODY JOB. Devlin goes on to say that Spy Daddy's a good agent, but lately he's been acting a bit, well, tweaky. He threatens that, if he hears of one more instance of Spy Daddy acting off book, he's done. Finished. Kaput. He shuts the door in Spy Daddy's face and Spy Daddy just looks at the pavement in search of a good reason for this entire scene being included in this episode.

Ah, the Music of Mournful Musings and Expired Ex-Lovers. I missed it so. Syd's hanging out at The Maxi-Pad, lost in thought, as Francie rambles on about sending Willage flowers and a card as a thank-you for baby-sitting the rodents. Suddenly, Syd spits out that she had sex with someone. Francie's all, seriously, dude, what should the card say? Syd doesn't answer and Francie realizes that Sydney did, in fact, have sex with someone.

Sensing a juicy story, Francie moves over to the sofa where Syd's parked. Syd tells Francie that it was Spitzy Saliva-Pants. Francie is NOT amused. Syd goes on to say something about how she and Spitzy picked up where they left off and that it didn't end well. Francie tries to give Syd the he's-not-good- enough-for-you- and-you're-better- off-without-him speech, but Syd's not buying it.

That speech, for the record, never works. I spent the better portion of two years deluding myself that Wedge was the perfect man for me and when he finally dumped my ass, Sars and Lena and Neets and Wendy all valiantly gave me their versions of that speech and, like Syd, I totally didn't buy it. I buy it NOW but, then, I'm currently contemplating breaking into his apartment with a collection of Italian snuff films, some recently purchased S&M toys, an array of human organs retrieved from the local county hospital, and a small barnyard animal, and placing them strategically around his apartment just so his current frightshow girlfriend will walk in one night, look around, and go, "Um, dude? I am SO outta here."

Issues? Got 'em in spades, people.

Yeah, so, anyway, Francie tries to boost Syd's spirits. However, due to the melancholy strains of chick music in the air, Syd's spirits are not really ripe for boosting. She informs Francie that Spitzy's time has come and gone (and how!). Francie says something about being nice to him if he happens to call. Well, unless that call's coming collect from the local graveyard, I'd say Francie doesn't really need to worry about her hospitality skills.

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Alias

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