Alias
The Solution

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Erin: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Solution! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Solution!

The translation, supplied to me by my Quebec connection Marco Jean, is, "If you wouldn't let us do our work, you should have told us before we made all the arrangements to come here." Thanks, Marco. But, really, does it matter what Vaughn says? Because, honestly? He could have said, "My monkey lives in the tree and the napkin is under the table" and I still would have dropped to the floor in a heap of restless passion. Have I mentioned that I have issues? I believe that I have. Moving on.

Lather Dude tells his trusty fat henchman to escort Agent Accent and his non-girlfriend to the nearest exit. Then he orders the system to be turned back on. Unfortunately, Syd's not quite finished yet. She's still in the vault and, when the system is turned on, the fan that's hanging onto her grappling hook thingy starts spinning, thereby rapidly reeling in the attached rope. Again, unfortunately, Syd is still attached to the rope. Sigh. What's a girl to do?

Well, if you're not Sydney, you just get pulled up into the air shaft and hope your death by fan is swift and painless. Of course, this is Spy Barbie we're talking about so she manages to grab onto the edge of the vent where she entered the shaft in the first place. Too bad she lets the cellphone loaded with plastic explosives drop off her belt. Can you say "boom"? Syd launches herself out of the shaft just in time and meets up with Agent Accent in the lobby of the museum. They have a coded bad-accent moment wherein Agent Accent asks if she finished her work. "Barely," she responds as the security alarm goes off.

Newspaper of No Importance Whatsoever. Willage approaches that Brit girl from several episodes back. Remember her? The one with the congratulatory cake? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, he walks up, turns up her music, and whispers in her ear about something. Next thing we know, they're outside somewhere, and Brit Girl is bitching at Willage about giving her more details. "You were kidnapped...by a --" she sputters. Willage has opened his big fat mouth, I guess. He hands her his article and tells her that, if anything should happen to him, like, say, IF HE SHOULD DIE, she has to publish the article. "Why would something happen?" she asks. "Because I'm gonna go see my kidnapper," says Willage, looking for all the world like he just wet himself.

And now it's time for the Willraldo Rivera show! (tm SpyDaddyRulez)

Willraldo is hanging out somewhere in his jeep. Spy Daddy exits a building and Willraldo follows him. Turns out, Spy Daddy isn't heading off on some super-secret double-agent mission; no, he's just heading to the local bar for his daily dose of Glenfiddich. Willraldo shows up and sits down next to him. "There are a few things we need to talk about," says Willraldo, not looking directly at Spy Daddy. "And, uh, quite frankly...you scare me. So, I'd rather talk about it in a public place." Heh. Heh heh. Will's cracking my shit up in this scene. This is bad. This is really bad. I AM LIKING WILL. Shoot me.

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Alias

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