Alias
The Two

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Mr. Sandman, bring me a clue

Syd has a billion and two questions. To start with, what happened to her, where's her father, or her mom, is Will alive, how did he survive, where is he, is Francie dead, did they find her body, what's the molecular structure of Skittles®, why does Christina Aguilera insist on dying her hair black, is Demi just using Ashton to get back some street cred, and what the hell happened to the bone structure of her face anyway, et cetera. Dixon's all, dude. Chill. I know you got questions and shit, but DAMN. Syd's all, um, dude? I LOST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE, OKAY? And, um, I have a scar on my stomach I have never seen before, so, like, could you have someone look into that? Dix is all, I will NOT talk to you until you CHILL. Syd's all, oh, yeah? WELL, GET ME KENDALL, GODDAMMIT! I WANT SOME ANSWERS!

And that's when Dixon goes, "Kendall is not the director of our division anymore." That shuts her up. "I am," Dix says calmly. "Almost six months now." What? Wait. No more Kendall? No more smarmy baldness? Um. I think I can't watch this show anymore. Kendall was the only reason I watched in the first place. Hold me.

Syd archly congratulates him. The door opens and Agent Sean enters, looking delightfully charming and, well, way too cheery for this scene. Syd and Agent Sean engage in a bit of small talk that so totally doesn't belong here, but I dig Greg Grunberg, so I'll allow it. He's basically just there to pull Director Dix out into the hall for a little CIA update. "Sorry to be all cryptic --" Agent Sean starts to say. "It's okay. I get it," says Syd, cutting him off. Dix and Agent Sean exit to the hallway, where they proceed to have a private conversation RIGHT IN FRONT OF SYD'S DOOR. I'm not joking. They're not supposed to tell her anything, right? And yet they feel that it's totally acceptable to stand in front of her GLASS DOOR and discuss their secrets. What, they can't, like, GO AROUND THE CORNER? The woman's trained in espionage, dipshits! You think she can't figure out what you're saying? Especially when you're FACING HER DOOR? I'm sorry. I forgot how unbelievable this show can be. I think I need more alcohol. Or drugs. Ethan, honey? Bring me the hookah.

Pretty much, Agent Sean just tells Director Dix that their operative Kingsley has the decoy and is aboard a train to Avignon. He also says that The Covenant may be on their way to intercept Kingsley and get the chip. Yeah. We spent two seasons dealing with the Alliance and K-Directorate and SD-6 and The Man -- why shouldn't we have yet ANOTHER shadowy agency to deal with? Bring it on. But make sure you bring on the tabs of acid first, okay? Agent Sean finishes up by saying that they have some new intel on a location in Paris that could possibly be an outpost of The Covenant. Dix tells Sean to get the SNCF to stop the train at the next station and get a team in place to raid the possible outpost. Didya get all that, Syd? Because they weren't playing to the cheap seats here or anything.

Dix reenters her room, and Syd demands to see her father. When Dixon hesitates, she asks, "What is the big deal?" "Your father's in prison," he says. "National Security Council has had him in solitary for almost a year. Their policy, without exception, is that he is to have no visitors." Well, that doesn't seem very nice, now, does it? At least he's in solitary confinement and doesn't have to worry about that whole "don't drop the soap" scenario.

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Alias

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