Alias
The Two

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Mr. Sandman, bring me a clue

"I don't remember a thing," she says. Jack's all, you WHAT? She's all, I read that bozo Dixon's lips when he was outside my hospital room and I made up the memory in order to get leverage and now they want to send me on a mission -- Jack's all, leverage? What leverage? Leverage for what? "To see you," she says. "They told me I couldn't see you and…I needed to." It's a nice little moment, actually, where Jennifer Garner lets her voice hitch on the "and" and almost choke. She's really conveying that she needed to see her daddy. "Dad, I don't know if I can explain what it's like to wake up and have everything be different," she says, on the verge of tears. "My friends are gone. I have no job. I have no home. Vaughn's married and you're in prison --" Jack steps closer. "Vaughn's what?" "He got married," says Syd, barely hiding her pain. Jack and Saddam Beardsein fly into Super Dad mode. "Michael Vaughn is nothing more than a boy who was never good enough for you anyway. And he had wimpy shoulders. And FAR too many forehead wrinkles. And I bet he was bad in bed. You deserve better, sweetie." Okay. Okay. Um, how much do I love Victor Garber when he's pushing the dad thing? God. "Sydney, listen to me," he continues. "My investigation into your death became even more disturbing than I expected. You must continue my work and find the truth about what happened to you. Do you understand me?" Syd understands. He tells her that the only way she can do this is by regaining her standing at the CIA and getting access to his private files. "Dad, I don't think I can do this without you," she says. "We both know that's not true," he says. "And you don't have a choice, anyway." Well, that's true, Jack. But what does the Beard think? "I'm inclined to agree," says the Beard. "And could someone find me some Aveda Shampure conditioner? The Prell they keep dousing me with is NOT helping the situation here."

Jack declares that Syd has to prove herself to the CIA and get them to trust her again. Syd wants to know what Jack meant by "disturbing." "Sydney," he says, "I knew you were alive. I made a discovery that you --" Just then, Syd's special watch blinks off and their ninety seconds of privacy are done. Jack looks at her. "Sydney, you probably know this already but, I love you." Syd just looks at him. "I love you too," she says. Aw. Awwwww.

And now, during the commercial break, we all rush to the phones to call our fathers. Even if we don't like them. Or their horrific facial hair.

Paris. City of Lights. And CIA operatives with really shiny hair. Seriously. Everyone's dressed in black combat gear, and it really doesn't matter because Syd's hair is so goddamn shiny, you can probably see her from a fucking satellite. And of course she's not wearing a HAT or anything. Lord. Anyway, Agent Sean's in charge of this op, and he briefs the team. Basically, all I noticed about this scene was that some dimwit in the art department spelled "Montmartre" wrong on a sign in the background. Dude. There's a "T" in there. Learn to read, okay? Like, we know this shit doesn't take place on location or anything, but this show is all about suspension of disbelief, and when we see shit like that, our disbelief? She is NOT suspended.

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Alias

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