The Soft, Whispery Song Stylings Of Impending Doom. Sydney's sitting on the sofa, studying a book; Danny's at the table. The music plays, they eye each other, and then Danny pounces on her. Yadda yadda, we're so in love, we're gonna have children one day, Danny starts kissing her stomach, Bitchy Gay Chinese Friend and I gross out like twelve-year-olds.
BGCF: I did not sign on to see breeders make out. Is this show going to get fun? Are you paying for my phone bill?
Manimal (shielding eyes with hands, trying to look at the sofa that they're lying on without actually looking directly at kissing couple): God, look at that apartment. It's gorgeous.
BGCF: It's so...Pottery Barn. Get some standards, girl!
Sydney, post-we're-gonna-have-children-comment, gets a very "Papa Don't Preach" look on her face. She takes Danny by the hand and leads him upstairs to the shower, turning the music up on the way. She takes off her clothes and tells Danny to get undressed. He's all, "Hell, yeah!" But then they get into the shower, and Sydney tells him she works for the CIA. He's all, "This is the weirdest foreplay ever," and thinks it's a joke, but then, after the shortest "Honey, I'm really a spy!" conversation ever, he soon leaves the shower in a funk.
Cut to the Taiwanese Interrogation Chamber. Sydney and her straggly hair watch in horror as a Taiwanese glasses-wearing gentlemen, who I'm calling Generic Asian Bad Guy, comes in holding a syringe. In a weird semi-phallic gesture, he shoots a long stream of clear fluid out of the syringe while Sydney looks more and more horrified. The door slams on them. This was so clearly meant to be a commercial break. As the astute folks on the forums have pointed out, what was the point of having the episode commercial-free when you could see the seams and breaks? It also made me realize the difference between the mediums -- in a movie, I hate seeing commercials even BEFORE the picture starts, but on TV I expect, even love them. When else can I get more potato chips or go pee?
Back to the Interrogation Chamber. They shoot Sydney up. It does not look fun. GABG walks away. Sydney passes out. A Cat Stevens song starts playing.
Sydney VO. She's telling Danny the backstory of how she ended up an agent. What was the point of the disjointed narrative? J.J. should leave that kind of stuff to the Japanese, who actually know how to break up a linear narrative to artistic effect. As it is, it's just mildly confusing and irritating. I mean, it's kind of neat in spots, but the overall effect is not that great.